is it too short???


According to Maslow, people have five needs we pursue to fulfill at all times; these needs are physiological, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization. During Hurricane Katrina many of these needs were taken away and the people became desperate to fulfill their needs. Reports of rape, murder and theft flooded the news. People who led perfectly normal lives before the hurricane would murder just to fulfill their needs. The Katrina community became something they were not; they became monsters, unidentifiable from what they used to be. In the book, The Lord of the Flies written by William Golding, as the boys descend down Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Scale, their identity and sense of civilization is lost.

just a side note.. i am a sophomore in highschool

the first half seems a little eh... starting with "The Katrina community..." it picks up in style.

I suggest condensing the first sentence into something like:

"According to Maslow, people pursue the fulfillment of five basic needs: physiological (this seems out of place with the style of the rest of the list, but I don't know how to fix it), safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization. "

The second sentence seems redundant with its "needs were taken away...desperate to fulfill their needs." I suggest something like:

"During the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, many people desperate sought to fulfill the needs which were stripped from them."

Third sentence is fine.

I don't think you should use fulfill their needs again in the fourth sentence. Maybe something like:

"People who led perfectly normal lives before the hurricane lashed out violently to satisfy these basic needs."

Change the what to who in the next sentence.

Reorganize the last sentence into something like:

"...as the boys descend down Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Scale, they lose their sense of civilization." - I just try to get rid of to be verbs whenever possible.

Other comments:
It seems a little jumpy from topic to topic. You start off mentioning Hurricane Katrina, and then jump into Lord of the Flies with no mention of a comparison. Perhaps you should consider drawing a more direct connection. Maybe using "similarly" in the beginning as a transition. Something simple to make the connection flow better.

It's a little hard to understand what the point of this paper will be. Are you writing about Maslow's Hierarchy and where you notice its prevalence? Or are you writing about the Hierarchy and are you using Katrina and Lord of the Flies as an example? It's hard to gauge length without knowing this because I can't really tell if you've communicated all that needs to be communicated by an introduction.

My two cents

This post was edited by Derkaderk on Dec 12 2010 11:43pm

I really appreciate the criticism. I will work on that.. I'm writing about Maslow's hierarchy of needs and how people lose their identity when they are on the lower part of the scale

so u have to relate lord of the flies(maslows hierarchy?) with the katrina tragedy? First u should write an introduction to what u are writing saying what points u will approach and how they relate to each other(superficially), also mention ideas u will develop.

This post was edited by Madstrike on Dec 12 2010 11:49pm

Oh well in that case just add a sentence mentioning that after the first sentence to connect the Katrina and Lord of the Flies idea to.

new intro


According to Maslow, people have five needs we pursue to fulfill at all times; these needs are physiological gratification, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization. When humans lose access to these most basic of needs, they often lose themselves and become monsters that are capable of doing anything in order to survive; this idea is widely covered in William Golding's book, The Lord of the Flies. Maslow's theory is also applicable to our modern world. An example of this occurred during the Hurricane Katrina disaster. Much like the children in the Lord of the flies, the citizens of New Orleans who had led previously led normal lives became willing to murder, steal, and rape once there basic needs were taking away. In the book The Lord of the Flies, as the boys descend down Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Scale, their identity and sense of civilization is lost.

This post was edited by Mx_Sparta on Dec 13 2010 12:04am

Let me show u what I would do here, even though I havent read anything on Maslows work:

The hierarchy of needs, according to Maslow, represent an order of needs people seek, and how that relates to the actions they take. These needs are: bla, bla, bla, bla, bla. In his theory, each need must be fullfilled at lower levels before progressing to the higher levels. (important superficial explanation which I just copied from google but is a relevant idea linker). However, when humans lose access to these lower basic needs, they often yada yada yada... This idea is well covered in Willians Goldings book, Lord of the Flies, as the boys descend down Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Scale, their identity and sense of civilization is lost (you will have to develop the main idea of the book on another paragraph). On a similar manner, Maslow's theory is also applicable to our modern world. For instance, the Hurricane Katrina disaster lalalalala...(you will also have to develop this idea more on the subsequent paragraphs).

Basically what u want is to define the theory, relating it to the other topics(the book and the katrina disaster, or other example u might have for the theory applied in todays world which is not difficult to find) and develop those ideas, linking them whenever possible. Hope that helped.

//////dasdasd

This post was edited by Mx_Sparta on Jan 3 2011 12:07am