Fatal Scar
A stimulating feeling when I hear this unfamiliar voice
my heart pounds faster than a clock ticking on its own
a fictitious smile hidden beneath the fatal scar you left me
You said “adieu”, I was dismal, yet still full of uncertainty
wondering why you bother, wondering why you call
a mystery unsolved of your feelings I once foretold
Am I just a girl to accompany you when you are feeling all alone?
An alteration of my personality keeps you on the phone
why do I bother, why do I even answer
A translucent wall you’ve created isolating me from you
This distorted reflection mirrors your point of view
Just a few steps away yet you never tried to reach and hold
Am I just an illusion to you created in your imaginary world?
Leaves you no clue of myself covered by this mask of happiness
what's underneath hides the broken piece that haunts me everyday
Astonished by the way I pursue my decisions towards you
I am ashamed; I am phony and indecisive of what to do
Interesting to hide my thoughts, scared to face reality
Am I just afraid to face the rejection and consider living in fantasy
A world I've created hides the truth that’s strikes me this unspeakable pain
My insecurity is imaginable, unease to admit, I'm so ashamed
I know behind these words there will be consequences to face
Should I replicate your actions for you to know what it takes?
Accustomed of regrets you had bestowed upon my heart
I am speechless, I am sad yet I know we’ll always be apart
Are you worth every teardrop that drips down my eyes
or most painful than the one dripping down my heart
Memories of being held in your arms, caressed by you, tormented me slowly
It as if I was no one but a quiet little girl, you just made me feel unnecessary
As a standpoint in my mind, you are my first priority
Hoping that somehow, someday you’ll take me out of this fantasy
An imagery of the future created by lack of confidence, full of fear
I still believe the phrase you once said, “Hold on to me my dear”
Your shadow hides in the dark as I watch you walk around this empty space
Your back is what I witness the most; I can’t seem to uncover your face
A vision of a ladder so high I cannot see a glimpse of my destination
The steps never seem to cease; I’m starting to embrace hallucination
You give me the pain that another had caused you
I was silent, pretended to be blind, leaving you no clue
A repetition of indecisive cycle, of who to choose, drags me down this hole
Deeper and deeper not once I ever look up, I’m standing alone like a pole
The beat of my heart is unparalleled with the thought of my mind
Will I ever open up my eyes and stop pretending to be blind
I must admit until this day, I’m drowned by the thought of having you
Happy to be left alone, yet fatigued by the pain, just like having a flu
This is my feeling, shattered hopes collapse with my uncontrolled wrath
You just might want to step back before you get lost in your own path
-abbygayle-
a poem i wrote after a break up with an ex of mine... sigh ...