Infinite

Color's, movement, and the constant wave's of sound, Sometimes it's enough to make you feel as if your spinning round and round,
Anger, love, sorrow, greed, emotions flow through my head at an unfathamable speed,
Light, dark, dusk, dawn, all of these things tend to make us something's pawn,
Some bend to the will of others, some are caught in a neverending thrall, some see the mistakes of others, some help others when they fall,
Some point out, when other's have done wrong, some point out when other's have done good, but one thing is for sure, this twilight will never be as it should.

We are all caught up in our own daily lives, none look to the future, and the pain is to great to survive,
Why is it when other's make choices, that do not seem right, they continue down that path blinded as if it were night,
All it takes is for us to opn up our eyes and our souls, then maybe we can finally set up to accomplish our goals.

For as long as we are in this constant battle, no make that a war, soon compassion will only be known, in long forgotten lore,
Please, I beg, no, I implore, when you see someone sinking to their knees on the floor, and you feel that cannot get up,
Help them, give them the strength to escape from their slump.

You never know, they could be that hidden angel, that one we all look fo when our lives begin to dangle, So open up your hand, to recieve the gift,
That gift which has the power, to close this neverending rift, hold up your head, andalways be astute, for the benefits of kindess are forever and absolute.





Eyes

They consist of a single color , or if your lucky sometimes two, Nothing hold's more power then these tiny pieces of you,
Nothing say's more of how you feel, or speaks more of your intentions, sometimes they can bring about a great feeling of apprehension,
They tell alot about you, sometimes they give away your thoughts, sometimes they hint at the struggles, in life that you have fought,
When you find a pair thats perfect, such as a deep entrancing blue, you feel you want to stare at them until all have time has passed through,
Or maybe you feel that green just might be your thing, for sometimes they have the power to ease away your pain,
Regardless of what you choose, your's are like no other's, they have a deeper power, that sometimes begin's to smother,
So when you find a pair, that makes you feel you can fly, do not underestimate it, for there is no greater power then the eye.





Light replaced by Darkness

There used to be a light, one that burned in us all, but that light started to crumble and has long since ceased to fall,
And I have begun to hear that the light which once burned brightly has bheen replaced by one we fear,
People no longer care about the soul which rests in others, noone looks at each other as family or even as brothers,
What once was great but now has fell, is sick and will take much care to get well,
We have given up hope, we have given up the fight, now all i can see is the dark which covered the light.


Tell me what you think, use constructive criticism please.

And if you think it's good please dont rip it, not saying i think its top quality(those stay to myself), but yeah.

This post was edited by SilverTipped on Oct 10 2006 06:02pm

Ok, let me start by giving my pittiful opinions.

First off, I don't see much structure to the poetry. It seems that the ideas follow each other in a haphazard manner. You should exploit the use of a poem's structure to convey many things, everything from pace to emotions and idealisations, etc...

Secondly, there is an element of prosaic form in it. This in itself doesn't not make it a poem, but for such a richimagery as you have used one would expect a certain lyricism to the entire mood/tone of the poems.

Third, if you wrote these on your own, well one, I am fairly impressed to say the least, and I usually understate things (when I am not waffling of course).

sounds emo... but hey i cant do any better 5/10 on both

Yes i wrote these on my own, I would never claim anyone else's work as my own.

Since you seem to know a bit about poetry ill PM you a couple of my better ones, whcih make these look like shit.




I am as far from emo as you can be, but thinks for the opinion

This post was edited by SilverTipped on Oct 26 2006 01:26pm

Thanks for that poem. You know what I think of them. Bloody good work

edit: typo

This post was edited by TheRaven on Oct 27 2006 02:14pm

poems are pretty good man keep at it, 7/10

Btw guys peotry is not as easy to write as you think, it takes real feelings and much thought about what you write.

Or, on occasion, thoughts tumble onto paper in startlingly amazing form, though this occurs rarely

ermm....for the first poem doesn't really give the impression of 'Infinite' ...ur more describing the real world and its struggles