I used to live a life,
In an ordinary kind of way,
Building dreams upon my dreams,
Every night and every day.

I used to keep my head up,
And say that I'd never quit!
With the hopes of someday,
Finally making it...

Each night I said a prayer
And watched it float off into the sky,
But I've turned my back on all religion,
Ever since she said goodbye.

It happened many days ago,
But I remember how it went;
And how my perception of love,
Got all twisted and bent.

*

Violently betrayed -
Indefinitely lied to, abused.
"With all my heart and with all my soul"
These were the words she used,

I'm afraid to be alone.
Only, the journey's come to an end!
And my heart's broken beyond;
Any force on earth could mend.

This was one of those journeys,
Which successful trips are few
And this was one of those lessons,
Each step taught me something new.

Yet still, I made this journey
Ignoring the warnings from above,
Realizing this isn't a summer trip,
It's a dangerous journey, of love.

http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxpSfcr

You can think of it like a knife; carving wonderful images into my soul that will last a lifetime.

This post was edited by RessinEater on Dec 10 2009 09:48pm

You do not write a poem the way you would read it. I understand the kind of delay you intend there, but a comma does not belong therer.
I love the message you're trying to portray in this. You may, however, wish to use words connotative of 'despair' upon describing the feeling of solitude that comes after a painful heartbreak. It would make the poem more interesting to read.
Additionally, a ?A?A ?B?B rhyme scheme with full clauses in each line sounds more of what a middle school teenage girl with end-of-the-world, shattered puppy love would write. Try being creative with it. Although not necessarily ABAB or AABB, a rhyme scheme following such without being sole clauses in each line would change things immediately.

Good luck!