Is your brother Micheal?

yes

i love about half of this. the other half i really dont like. one of my favorite poems was the raven and two of these lines reminded me of the elegance of the flow in that poem. at the exact opposite of the pole however, i felt some parts didnt quite work well together. id give it a 7/10

Thank you If you don't mind telling, which parts didn't work well?

This post was edited by The_Disputatious_Linguist on Aug 10 2009 04:22pm

the first two were well thought out imo, but the next four were kind of bland. and finally the 7th line seemed completely out of place

the very next stanza,however, from "every gentle"... to ... "thought i fail" was amazing.
though if it was me, id change idea to thought to simply match the syllable layout of the line above
and to avoid redundancy change fleeting thought i fail to fleating chance.

however that stanza, as it is, is great

oh yeah, I'll actually change that now, thank you.

yes

I don't really like this part, to be honest. For whatever reason it derails the train of thought you had reading the first part and I found myself unable to get back.

mmk, thank you.