Hey. I'm not the touchy-feely kind of guy, I've never written a poem before, but I've had an ongoing issue for over a year, and it's causing some real problems in my life, so I guess I'm trying any possible outlets.

Keep in mind, this is my first writing, EVER, go easy please.. And spare me the "Emo" comments etc.

Throw me an x/10 please!!

"Midnight stroll"

I slowly roam these city streets
in dead silence as the whole world sleeps
and on my way 'tween night and day
the sky opens up to me and weeps.

In the wind, the rain and gale,
I slip away and relive my tale.
Do not think, that I'm not strong
But for her touch, I'll always long.

Of all the words on pad by pen
The saddest are these; What could have been
But worse than just words put to paper
Is knowing she hurts, and it's me who made her

Hiding behind her painted smiles
Only I, know of her life's trials
She showed me more of myself than I could tell
And in return, I put her through hell.

Let me tell you shortly, if I may
About the girl, that I chased away
I have my reasons, we always do
But looking back.. they seem too few

The looks she gave me.. and her smiles..
they sent my mind flying for miles
A soul so pure, simply perfect..
any hardships.. this girl was worth it

She was at peace, when near the ocean
Something about the waves, their calming motion.
She loved tall trees, and the summer's breeze,
the grass between her toes, and when I kissed her nose.

She writes music, even a song for me
When she plays, she feels so free.
She plays piano, the drums and guitar
I'm tellin' you man.. this girl raised the bar.

She and I, we had so much fun
and she had eyes for only one.
Why she chose me, I'll never know..
but now our love will never grow.

For reasons now that hold no merrit,
Her love I denied, I couldn't bear it.
Knowing the kinds of things in the past I've done,
I tucked away my tail, and turned to run

I pushed her away, fearing myself unworthy,
I was scared I'd hurt her, simply, purely.
I may know now, what I did not then..
But I can't go back, to try again.

I found myself some other girls..
Pretty faces, with long blonde curls
I thought I did for her what was best..
But when I saw her hurt, something sank, in my chest.

Immediately, I began to regret,
day in, day out, I would lament and fret..
I tried to explain,and to win her back,
but it was too late, we were too far off track.

There's been other girls, with whom I've lain,
But with every morning, comes the pain,
Think not of me as some lovesick puppy,
Or any other trifling, foolish yuppy.

The love I shared with her was real,
I'm not the type, to whine and "feel"
I now know that it's too late for me,
but from these rhymes, I hope you can see,

When you've found true love, seize the day..
Don't imitate me, and push it away.
No other torment burns as deep,
so these words of wisdom, I pray you'll keep.

Live each day like it's your last..
I know you've heard it in the past,
I've learned this lesson, at the highest cost,
for words can not measure the treasure I've lost.

That's it!

Remember, make memories, not regrets kids. haha.

Nothin?

for your first poem its very good

hope things get better for you

its long as shit

if u wana make a transition into real poetry, ur gonna have to leave behind the autobiography
there were a couple bright places but most of it can be written by anyone

write a poem, not a diary entry. play with language, dig for them diamonds.

rating is 1/10

I disagree completely. Autobiographical basis is a great way to write poetry. While this poem was a bit unevenly structured, such as irregular rhythm and beats, it was good and consistent with story. And to be honest, it's all from the poet's perspective too. Write for yourself, not others. That's all that matters.



Please... don't post if you're just going to be stupid.

Nice poem

i liked it i some what agree with eriot but not on the rateing

id give this poem seeming on how its your first a 7/10

it needs work but all poems do some times

and i hope that things get better for you

Thanks. I appreciate it. I kind of enjoy this writing thing. I may post some more work up here, hopefully I'll make some progress. I respect eriot's opinion, but I don't agree with his view of leaving behind an autobiographical approach. That's what pushed me to write, so why would I abandon it?

I know the rythm is kind of choppy, and I see a lot in re-reading this that I could change, as far as even just word selection, to give it a better flow, I just happened to start writing it around 4:30 in the morning and threw it on here before I even re-read it.

This post was edited by mikeydubs5 on Jun 8 2009 07:47pm

tl;dr