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Apr 23 2009 05:12pm
Two poems I came up with while bored waiting for class to start.

I made these to be either poetry or lyrical, and just wrote them in a rather short time so it may seem a bit more raw


This first one is a little personal

Quote
It's Just Me

What is this
That I am living for
Day in day out same routines
I can feel nothing more
From bedroom to classroom to workroom, the same old scenes
I need someone I can believe
Nothing to die for nothing to live by
Sitting alone in a silent reprieve
No meaning no reason, only earth and sky
God damn it someone just give me a Why
Nietzsche held the key to man
I grasp only emptiness in my hand
A hopeless romantic
A ropeless psychotic
A copeless neurotic
A dopeless narcotic
In solitude, the people I fear
In population, the loneliness I hear
Gotta get out of here
Gotta get out of here
But it seems I can’t
For it’s just me.


the 'someone just give me a Why' and Nietzsche part is a reference to a quote by him "He who has Why to live can bear almost any How"


This second one is not quite done, maybe 2/3 done

Quote
Entropy
Preacher, have you seen the face of God?
You have held the world’s answers in your hand
Share with us what you may know and we do not
You have touched the holy land
But you are still just a simple man
You can’t do things others can’t
Though you make rules you may bend,
But don’t you know
Preacher, don’t you know
That nothing lasts and nothing ends

Hello there you money man
Sitting behind a desk with your suit and tie
Close that deal and shake my hand
Sure you can take and you can buy
Turn on that flat screen and watch yourself die
In the end you realize what you’ve lost
But it’s too late, you’ll pay the cost
And don’t you know
Money man, don’t you know
That nothing lasts and nothing ends


This post was edited by Duress_x on Apr 23 2009 05:12pm
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Apr 23 2009 07:45pm
::SPEECHLESS:: .... ::JUST CLAPS FOR ETERNITY:: .... :drool:
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Apr 23 2009 07:56pm
Quote (The_Disputatious_Linguist @ Fri, Apr 24 2009, 01:45am)
::SPEECHLESS:: .... ::JUST CLAPS FOR ETERNITY:: ....  :drool:


so... you like it? :mellow:
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Apr 23 2009 07:57pm
Quote (Duress_x @ Thu, 23 Apr 2009, 19:56)
so... you like it?  :mellow:


YES lol. Incredible
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Apr 23 2009 08:03pm
Quote (The_Disputatious_Linguist @ Fri, Apr 24 2009, 01:57am)
YES lol.  Incredible


I'm surprised.. what do you like about it? or just give me some feedback

I'm quite new when it comes to actually writing poetry, I mostly like to read it
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Apr 23 2009 08:05pm
Quote (Duress_x @ Thu, 23 Apr 2009, 20:03)
I'm surprised.. what do you like about it? or just give me some feedback

I'm quite new when it comes to actually writing poetry, I mostly like to read it


there are some things that could be changed, like rhyme scheme, to change the tempo of the piece. Aside from that, and even that wasn't bad, it was very deep, and comprehensive.
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Apr 23 2009 08:10pm
Quote (The_Disputatious_Linguist @ Fri, Apr 24 2009, 02:05am)
there are some things that could be changed, like rhyme scheme, to change the tempo of the piece.  Aside from that, and even that wasn't bad, it was very deep, and comprehensive.


I had intended to make it more free verse but rhyme schemes in some parts and some parts without rhyme just without any particular order, but it came out to just a mixture of aabbcc and ababcdcd lol <_<


and thanks for reading/replying

This post was edited by Duress_x on Apr 23 2009 08:11pm
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Apr 23 2009 08:44pm
Quote (Duress_x @ Thu, 23 Apr 2009, 20:10)
I had intended to make it more free verse but rhyme schemes in some parts and some parts without rhyme just without any particular order, but it came out to just a mixture of aabbcc and ababcdcd lol <_<


and thanks for reading/replying


anytime, please alert me when you release more work
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Apr 24 2009 03:10pm
I liked it. I can relate.
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May 2 2009 06:59pm
Damn. loved them
i know how you feel heh
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