I'm happier when I'm bleeding.
It's like waking from a blissful sleep.

Harder, baby... But not too deep.

Nothing brings us closer to life than death.
Happiness, at the cost of health.

I'm not afraid of the inevitable.
I'm more alive the more I die.


This is the first thing I've ever posted that I've written... I want honest opinions... Good, bad... It doesn't matter.

It's good, I really like it, though, and don't take this the wrong way, It's more of a foundation than a completed piece. Make it longer, add more stanzas. You seem to be the type of writer that would do best with

A
x
A

B
x
B

C
x
C

Where the corresponding letters are rhyming stanzas, and the X are variables (don't have to rhyme with anything, just need to be relevant to the stanza)

Hey, thanks alot.. That means alot to me lol

I'll keep it in mind... I don't really write poetry... Just whatever comes to mind.

your repitition would come out stronger if you coordinated your rhymes
rhymes arent wat constitute poetry but u obviously are keeping an ear out for it
tbh this is bad but u may have potential

i agree that it's bad... i'm not sure whether or not i have potential... haha

thanks for the criticism

bullshit. It's not bad