Words
Although the rain that falls like stars
Does not cleanse the soul of scars
It washes away many things
Pain and suffering still will ring
Wounds will would like a knife
If used in ways ruled by strife
Defending blows that can cut
Send many people into ruts
Although people still say
That through it all they are okay
On the surface that may be true
But pain sticks as if glued
Out of sight we all do feel
Many emotions that are too real
People try to point and blame
But look deeper to see their shame
How many just point and laugh?
While others sit and take their crap?
Many of us feel no sense of pride
At what has been done in our lifetime
The pain is felt all throughout
While other people scream and shout
Sitting there pleading
Genuinely needing
The lost innocence
Gone so fast it hardly makes sense
We feel no pain
Abusing others for no gain
After we are long gone
The earth will continue and move on
So what is the prize?
For making others cry?
I myself believe in life
But others feel the need for strife


I dont claim to be a poet so not too hard please?

u dont call yourself a poet.. wats that say about your "poem"?
for crying out loud..

the biggest problems will solve themselves as u mature. to be crass, this is childish, as we all are or used to be or will be or watever they say. but ostensibly..
i see you have an interest in social critique and humanism. you will have a blast in college and your writing will be much more poetic.
some tips
add punctuation or use couplet form. you tend to make statements in two lines, but dont cue the reader when to stop and start. its annoying. which can be a fine tactic but your content doesnt require irritation, does it? this is possibly too normative to say.
the word strife is nice and deep but dont use it. its not fashionable. im sounding superficial huh. its a shame. but its passe. like trying to use shakespearean english.

Well its noticably immature as i am only 16

I only dont say im a poet cause i normally dont write poetry... this is my first poem since like fourth grade

I appreciate the constructive critiscism My french teacher told me i should use punctuation lol

imo i say its still pretty good dont matter bout punctuation its about the feelin behind the words

Thanks i just figure f punctutation im lazy lol

The only thing I can tell you, it seems really inconsistent with the Rhythm. If you like it how it is, then keep it, but my suggestion is tweak it a bit to make the words flow with eachother easier. Try expirimenting with different words and ideas for similes and metaphors to make the flow smoother.

stop masturbating

Dont post unless ur giving critiscism please... (constructive only ofc)

I dont want random shit like this clogging up my thread

This post was edited by Kiyokoshi2 on Mar 5 2009 10:13pm

it rhymes too much
and it didnt really tell a story, or say anything about anything
just seemed like a pile of words

Tells a story for me so i guess thats all that matters...

Not all poetry gives vivid images...