I wrote these...no titles. haven't thought of any.

This loneliness will never end,
it will never change although it does feel some what strange,
the more I think the more deranged.
My heart and mind is now interchanged,
I realize now it doesn't matter what I do, my best days are over and now they are allways blue.
For I can never be renewed, so I look forward to the end.
My heart now it will never mend.
I try to send my last goodbyes but my arms they will not extend.
I lay in suffering for the end although you do not care because you were never a friend but it is over now my mind transcends.



My Body shakes.

My hearts trembling.

Why does this happen?

Why do you do this to me?

It's all I can ever think about,

and it destroys me.

I hate it.

This post was edited by spartanman30 on Jan 1 2009 04:32pm

tell me...more to come probaly i write one everyday...

I promised myself I wouldn't.
It can never be stopped and it will never end.
These thoughts will not leave.
My mind is contaminated only with thoughts of you.
You make me sick, yet i love you.
I tell you things that seem like a sick joke in my mind.
It seems like I'm doing this for myself, to stop the pain.
Yet it destroys me.

im gona be honest and assume u can handle it

these sound more like journal entries with some thought put into the lines for rythmic patterns.
if ur goal is to write a journal entry, write one. nothing wrong w/ that.
if ur goal is to write poetry, try to understand that these deep feelings of sadness you have are experienced by many and that
you are using like.. almost conversational english, not poetic, to show your readers what you feel.
the best thing u can start doing is to experiment with metaphors. if u write daily u will become better at it exponentially. only thru experiment will u find your style.
btw, the varying meter in your lines caught me very off guard and it made me wary that this was an unconventional work. like a boat rocking in the ocean. if u were going for that gj.

yeah at first i wanted to make poetry but i found i like making journal entrys more... i use an xanga and write one about everyday.

i wanted to post on here to see what people thought like you. thanks for this.

i kinda just write how im feeling..i am unusuall and my thoughts are also so my writing is like that...

but also this is why i didn't say "poems" anywhere...because they aren't really.

a rose by any other name...

You can't really consider it a journal in the traditional sense, but still, there's nothing wrong with the way your doing it.

I'd like to see some more entries though, you wanted our opinions, and I don't know how to judge you writings

Well i had a boring day at school all we did was stufy for finals that i should be fine so i wrote most of the day. so be happy you have more to read !

Hate
You make me sick, you are so fake
You are laugh when the room is silent.
Your smile is a grin.
You dress to impress.
Your music is a joke.
You go with the flow.
..and I hate this.

Love
I think i love you, because you are so real.
You get me, and I get you.
Your smile is a mear smirk.
Your dress for comfort, not style.
Your music is flows, not you.
You are who you want to be, and i love it.

(Kinda wrote this because i was watching all the fake people in my school and i hated it..)

The cure is so simple.
Then why can't i be cured?
I fear the pain.
But im already in pain.
It can end all the suffering.
But part of me doesn't want to.
You will leave all of this.
I want to but can't.


What is the point?
Live then die , it can't be any other way.
You work your ass off, get heart broken, believe in things with all of your faith.
To do what?..to just die.Damn it.I don't understand.
You are not sure what will happen in the end.
It makes me want to pull the trigger.

blah.

interesting. you need help