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> Old Poem I Wrote > First Poem Ive Written
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Replies: 13
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Diana
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#1
Dec 12 2008 10:12pm
im only 13 so dont judge me harshly...
The rabbit gazed skyward
Saw devotion and perfidy
She embraced it tightly
Fabricated with lies and torment
Her grip tautened
Til it choked then broke
He was mendacious
She was blind
He was murky, rapacious, beautiful
Predator closed in on prey
Weapon serrated
Face gaunt
It striked unrepentantly
Shattered body and soul
The world crisp and sharp
Birds chirruped overhead
Its eyes opened, black pearls blazing with iniquity
It had hurt for and from the heart
She bit her lip and closed her eyes
Wet with grief they opened
In the sky was the love she fought for
On the ground was the love she fought for
Ubiquitous was her scar
Everywhere the wind whispered
Goodbye
Holland
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#2
Dec 12 2008 11:45pm
It needs a
title
.
Diana
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#3
Dec 13 2008 12:31pm
Quote (Holland @ Fri, 12 Dec 2008, 22:45)
It needs a
title
.
titles are too hard
Speztsnaz
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#4
Dec 16 2008 03:31pm
Thats pretty damn good for being only 13 years old especially some of the vocabulary you used.
Kamikizzle
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#5
Dec 16 2008 03:34pm
i dont really care for it, but i agree with spezt the vocab is great for a 13 year old
LeGeNDOfLiNK
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#6
Dec 17 2008 08:18am
Quote (Speztsnaz @ Tue, Dec 16 2008, 04:31pm)
Thats pretty damn good for being only 13 years old especially some of the vocabulary you used.
Vocabulary doesn't make a poem; meaning does.
Summi
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#7
Dec 17 2008 07:12pm
Quote (LeGeNDOfLiNK @ Wed, Dec 17 2008, 10:18am)
Vocabulary doesn't make a poem; meaning does.
Both are what make a poem, vocabulary also helps show the meaning by being able to truly say what is meant.
DemosthenesC
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#8
Dec 19 2008 09:49pm
Vocab can also be gotten by highlighting a word and clicking "synonyms" then picking the smartest sounding one
Kamikizzle
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#9
Dec 19 2008 11:12pm
Quote (DemosthenesC @ Fri, Dec 19 2008, 07:49pm)
Vocab can also be gotten by highlighting a word and clicking "synonyms" then picking the smartest sounding one
but making those words flow in a poem? not so simple.
Holland
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#10
Dec 19 2008 11:40pm
Quote (DemosthenesC @ Fri, Dec 19 2008, 11:49pm)
Vocab can also be
gotten
by highlighting a word and clicking "synonyms" then picking the smartest sounding one
Yes, you should really do that, especially for the bolded word.
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