I got into writing a little a couple months ago and these were my first poems so....hereeeeeeee goesssss.

(opening)
Why oh why, Must our dreams slowly die
I'd rather take em to the sky
and watch them learn to fly

Why oh why, Must our wishes slowly burn
I'd rather take em to the stars
and watch them wait their turn

So take my wishes, and take my dreams
watch them crumble at the seams
Everyone should take cover, run and hide
because it seems like reality is eating us alive

My oh My people are living just to die
strangers don't even care, they just spit in our eyes
where has the world gone? It took me by surprise
It's all like an ocean, with no rising tide

(chorus)

Shooting stars seem quite bizarre
to ordinary people in their everyday cars
Do they even realize what's in front of their eyes?
It's our dreams and wishes, sailing through time

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Dedication to life, peace will be the end.
How will my thoughts today affect tomorrow?
Growing, learning, experiencing the limitless.
Furthuring anticipation drives my decisions.

Reaching and still feeling no boundaries.
How far can this curiousity stretch?
Dreaming of finding my place to stay.
Morals were broken, the box has been opened.

Extreme examples laid out in front of me.
What kind of man do I want to be?
I've opened my eyes, finally caring what I see.
I've seen the highs and lows
Of the places I have been.

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Heres the scene of a broken man
Drink in hand, can barely stand
He walks alone without a set of plans

Earlier that day he felt so alive
Plans had been set, their love would survive
But all his dreams were crushed when he finally looked in her eyes

Not long ago they had become such a pair
But he held back the truth, worrying she wouldn't care

He wouldn't trade those weeks for anything in the world
Except maybe the love of this one single girl
When it was time to leave he felt dead inside
He had no pride, and nowhere to hide

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the spit in eyes, did u have parnell in mind by chance? if u didn't, i think thats how academics wud take that image.
i dono if existentialism comes across the best in lyric form tho. well i'd have to hear it i guess.
u bring up eyes in the 3rd piece, he penetrates her w/ his eyes. very literature way of asserting masculinity.
i felt a distance in the second piece. dont be afraid to close that space, it alienates the reader. im assuming u consider it a finished work ofc.

u should continue writing. pleasant readings. post more imo t= talking about posts, u are a post modernist, right?
one thing that you may or may not want to try out, is adding a stanza that changes everything preceding it.
it can sometimes be a coup de grace technique that may or may not work for your work

Thanks for the awesome feedback!

The first piece with the "spit in our eyes" was to show how today people are far less open to helping others compared to years ago.

The 3rd piece "But all his dreams were crushed when he finally looked in her eyes" I meant it as a kind of reverse-masculinity as he was so confident in the relationship until he finally truly looked at her and she did not return the feelings.

You seem to know a lottttt more about the architecture of poetry so I'm really glad you left feedback for me to work off of. I'll go look at your writings now since you asked :-).

NICE POEMS

they're aweeeeesome =)

pretty nice poems, keep it up!

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.