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Member
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Joined: Jun 19 2004
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May 14 2006 11:57am
Excuse the butterflies in my stomach,
While I find out why my head is so thick,
I swear I left the words on the tip of my tongue,
I apologize for seeming so high strung,
It is just I have a frog lodged in my throat,
And a pencil scrawled script hidden in my coat,
I have rehearsed this act time and time again,
In front of the mirror and my mind within,
Just an hour ago I had it planned so perfect,
A line of words and a smile you couldn't reject,
But now it seems both are just a thought of the past,
A plan I knew would never have a chance to last,
I'm very sorry for wasting your precious time,
I'm glad pleading the fifth is not labelled a crime,
It was the butterflies who got me all fluttered,
And the frog who drownded the words just muttered,
But since I obviously have nothing more to say,
I guess I'll let this be good bye and go about my way.
Member
Posts: 16,429
Joined: Apr 3 2005
Gold: 282.00
May 15 2006 05:41pm
aww thats so sad sad.gif
good job on creating the emotional poem smile.gif
didnt really like the ending though, last 2 lines are kinda out of place, but great poem overall
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Joined: Nov 2 2005
Gold: 309.25
May 22 2006 02:09am
I rather liked that poem, thanks for sharing.
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May 22 2006 04:17pm
not bad dude
1 suggestion: try to write before you try to rhyme. it seems like sometimes you're saying things just because they rhyme even though they're not really what you're trying to say. once you fix that I think you could have something good goin here.
(also, correct grammar isn't a bad thing to have. e.g. perfect vs. perfectly (adj. vs. adv.)
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May 31 2006 09:35pm
Cute poem.
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Posts: 16,727
Joined: Sep 28 2005
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Jun 1 2006 01:54pm
Quote (99white99 @ Sun, May 14 2006, 05:57pm)
Excuse the butterflies in my stomach,
While I find out why my head is so thick,
I swear I left the words on the tip of my tongue,
I apologize for seeming so high strung,
It is just I have a frog lodged in my throat,
And a pencil scrawled script hidden in my coat,
I have rehearsed this act time and time again,
In front of the mirror and my mind within,
Just an hour ago I had it planned so perfect,
A line of words and a smile you couldn't reject,
But now it seems both are just a thought of the past,
A plan I knew would never have a chance to last,
I'm very sorry for wasting your precious time,
I'm glad pleading the fifth is not labelled a crime,
It was the butterflies who got me all fluttered,
And the frog who drownded the words just muttered,
But since I obviously have nothing more to say,
I guess I'll let this be good bye and go about my way.

Very nice!! Did you write that yourself??! That is an awesome poem..
Great Job! :-)

Member
Posts: 17,117
Joined: Jun 19 2004
Gold: 1.37
Jun 2 2006 09:41am
Glad you guy's like it =)

Thanks for the advice some of you gave too.

And yes, I did write it.
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