perseverance will guide my way
the curvy path leads me towards the bright shining light
one day it will finally be achieved
certain goals seem so far out of sight
i turn loose my own mind and think to myself
unfulfilled and unsatisfied, i walk alone
through the depths of hell, i strive for inner peace
your gentle touch and soft hand will be my shield
an unneccessary fight, to my lover i will yield
together, yet so far apart
were torn to pieces, my heart now filled with anxiety.
fake songs with real pain we listen.
i look into your eyes and see your face
lonely and decrepit, the silence only makes it worse
please bless me oh lord, show me your sweet grace
this walk alone will end for me today
because no longer awake, i lay.

it doesn't rhyme and doesn't have a plot or symbolism. its just as bad as before

its not meant to ryhme, and it does have a plot maybe you should re-read it. maybe its hard to understand foru because u dont know where im coming from its about being alone int he world, i don't think you have any idea what ur even talking about rofl i think all you are trying to do is criticize,but you JUST turned 18 so ur still in school.T.T

This post was edited by Essence_Active on Apr 21 2008 11:18am

no dude, its just a terrible poem. when i find a poem i like, i praise it, when i find one thats not good i criticize it. its just a bad poem dude, get over it.

I can tell you're putting a lot of your emotion into the poem, but you need to work on getting a rhythm. This doesn't mean it needs a rhyme scheme, iambic pentameter, or any of the other things traditional poets enjoy. It needs to flow, and the words need to slip into and around your mind like silk on skin, else it will seem clumsy. You need to find your beat to the words, and march to them as you're writing down what you're feeling.

Don't give up on poetry if it's what you enjoy, just keep trying, read other people's and never give up.

This is a very nice expression of words you have here.


Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. It doesn't have to have a certain patter. Poetry is an expression of words with feelings. It may not make sense to you, But to others, It may serve a purpose. Don't just read it, Think about what you're reading. Put words together, and realize what's actually being said, or expressed.

its too difficult to read. thats the problem, it has no flow. a free verse poem should flow off the tongue, and excite. this one doesn't

This post was edited by Kamikizzle on Apr 23 2008 09:41pm

last is better imo ~~

That's true, But because it's difficult to read doesn't make it a bad poem. It's still a form of poetry and a free verse it is. Honestly, I think That a true poem is just the full expression of words and with that said, anything could be a poem. If you think about it, Just about everything is a form of poetry in some way or form.

yes but that doesn't make it good poetry