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d2jsp Forums > Off-Topic > Entertainment Room > Books & Literature > S.a.s. One Of My Poems > Question, Comment, Concerns, Critiques!
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Feb 4 2008 10:06pm
I wrote this after I broke up with my girlfriend so excuse to morbidity to it.

Re-Arisen

Every time you’re near,
I seem to hold a constant fear

Maybe it’s just all I hear,
I think I’ll just drink up a beer

If you saw me for who I was,
I wouldn’t need to get that buzz

Why must you be such a fake?
Was this all just a mistake?

I wish I could just make a steak,
But all I seem to do is flake,

I’m surrounded by a giant lake,
What I feel now is dull ache,

All my crying,
All my dying

It’s all your fault,
Your years spent lying

You are all that kept me flyin,
It’s clear that now – I’m all I can rely-in

God release me from this prison,
Make me feel I’ve…

Re-Arisen…




It was designed to be a short, somewhat of a run-on poem. Don't bash me for it =P!
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Feb 4 2008 11:22pm
pretty good. the syllables could match a tid bid better in some parts, and i like the abstract plot. 7/10
Member
Posts: 14,406
Joined: Aug 3 2004
Gold: 20,703.00
Feb 4 2008 11:23pm
Yeah the end was hard to tie in. Thanks though =]
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Feb 5 2008 10:25am
loved it but sounded kinda out of the ryhme
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