Please post your poems here, and post some constructive criticism on other peoples'.

I'll start off with one of mine

The Breakup
You used to make my jaw drop to the floor,
When did you turn into such a whore?
I asked you what was his name,
You couldn't remember, he must have had mad game.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me,
Now I guess you threw that all out to sea.
I used to defend you with my friends,
Who knew they'd be right in the end.

You said you'd broken the habit,
But still you screwed like you were a rabbit.
Have you lost all self respect?
My parents were right for being suspect.

I used to think that this was love,
That you were sent from heaven above.
Now I can see, I'm no longer blind,
You were just fucking with my mind.

You told me that I was your only one,
I guess I was there for when you couldn't find someone.
I believed every lie you fed,
Like it was something God had said.

It figures now your true colors show,
After you've been exposed as a ho.
I tried being civil, I tried being polite,
Why won't you just ride off into the night.

Now that the wool has been lifted from my eyes,
I'm blinded by the obviousness of your lies.
Your grandmother's fine, your brother's never been to jail,
So where'd you go when you had to "post bail".

Never mind, don't answer, I don't care anymore,
To me, now you're just another whore.
I hope you find someone who fits you well,
Someone who make your life a living hell.


and another one

Untitled
When minds go blind
To the difference they find
The world stops turning
Bigotry starts churning
Rallies in the street
Turn to mothers weeping at the feet,
Of their child's grave, so young
They're song yet unsung.

Not knowing who to trust
Each day could be a bust
Is there no sanity left?
Is innocence the victim of theft?
When people view life
As struggle and strife
They forget how good it can be
With the love of a family.
But there at the source
Lies cheating and divorce
Broken families, broken homes
Everyone in the world so alone
But there is a message left to spread,
Hope to fall on a pure head,
One of love and hope,
To help us all cope.

Wars go on and children die
Soldiers fight and politicians lie
But in the end its true
There is hope for me and you.
We need only remember
Love and Peace never surrender.

This post was edited by mindnotright on Oct 25 2007 03:14pm