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Views: 778Replies: 26Track Topic
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#21
Nov 27 2008 06:53pm
Prettay, prettay good.
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#22
Dec 1 2008 11:50pm
Can i ask what meter is it in?

If its a custom meter or free verse very very nice job

10/10 if on an academic poetry meter

9.5/10 if its free verse or a custom meter

Well done!

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#23
Dec 2 2008 02:16pm
Quote (Jazz_Thing @ Mon, Dec 1 2008, 09:50pm)
Can i ask what meter is it in?

If its a custom meter or free verse very very nice job

10/10 if on an academic poetry meter

9.5/10 if its free verse or a custom meter

Well done!


i try to follow a "pattern" i guess. but no actual specific meter.

but idk, a few people here seem to think this poem is trying to be the allegory of the century but i just wrote a story up until the last two stanzas. i only added the "sybolism" at the very end, and people say its far to blatant but if i had omitted these two couples** would you have any idea about what i was trying to portray?

**We all play a game, and it causes strife
I speak of the game we all know as life.

But during this game, when no hopes remain
It's important to smile and say, "Good game"

This post was edited by Kamikizzle on Dec 2 2008 02:22pm
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#24
Dec 12 2008 06:11pm
up

Quote (VactiiQ @ Tue, Nov 25 2008, 12:54pm)
Awesome poem.

I don't like chess, though.


cool sig btw
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#25
Dec 12 2008 10:22pm
Quote (eriot @ Tue, 16 Sep 2008, 22:23)
k ill be frank. its too simple. there is nothing u have to spell out. the allegory is not only simple, u make overkill connections, if u were going for any degree of ambiguation, u failed
i like wordsworth's definition of poetry. an overflow of emotion.
the emotion here is weak. u need to pair it to something. look up wat an elegy is. that shit will move u. learn from it. learn to move people, dont lecture.

linguistically evocative = the language suggests that..

as far as meter goes, there are different ways of creating pleasant sound,
but wat i was referring to is your inconsistent stressing.
you dont need to care about "the way it sounds" but u say u think it sounds smooth, and that is wrong.
to you, it sounds like this and that, but it is offbeat to the general reader who doesnt hear this read by the poet.
a didactic piece like this naturally uses conventional rhythm and its something u shud practice anyway


lol you is too smart
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#26
Jan 19 2009 01:31am
wat
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#27
Jan 19 2009 11:18am
Quote (eriot @ Wed, Sep 17 2008, 12:23am)
k ill be frank. its too simple. there is nothing u have to spell out. the allegory is not only simple, u make overkill connections, if u were going for any degree of ambiguation, u failed
i like wordsworth's definition of poetry. an overflow of emotion.
the emotion here is weak. u need to pair it to something. look up wat an elegy is. that shit will move u. learn from it. learn to move people, dont lecture.

linguistically evocative = the language suggests that..

as far as meter goes, there are different ways of creating pleasant sound,
but wat i was referring to is your inconsistent stressing.
you dont need to care about "the way it sounds" but u say u think it sounds smooth, and that is wrong.
to you, it sounds like this and that, but it is offbeat to the general reader who doesnt hear this read by the poet.
a didactic piece like this naturally uses conventional rhythm and its something u shud practice anyway


Ok, ok I agree the connections were blunt and sometime obtrusive but if the intent isn't to get deeply metaphorical then it was a massive success.

I agree that the stressed syllables are not perfect however this isn't a Petrarchian style poem and doesn't have to fit a specific outline. You cannot be too nit-picky it's a solid piece of work and perhaps they were trying to achieve a minimalist style by talking about simple everyday situations.
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