Hey Guys I Wrote A Poem :d - Topic

Kamikizzle

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#11

Mar 6 2009 07:37pm

Quote (Azurill @ Fri, Mar 6 2009, 12:04pm)

it rhymes too much

and it didnt really tell a story, or say anything about anything

just seemed like a pile of words

i dont know what you mean about it rhyming too much?
but i too thought it talked alot but said nothing, and the lack of grammar or seperation made it somewhat difficult to read

ASSASSlN

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#12

Mar 11 2009 09:27pm

i liked it....

it probably dont make sense to other ppl but w/e

what i got out of the poem is

people do alot to be famouse or to be remembered but once they are dead and gone the world just moves on so pretty much what they did in their life didnt really matter....

thats what i got out of the poem

but it didnt really tell a story and not all poems do

i think it might need a lil work but so far its good keep writeing and you will get better

Stab_cj_Dead

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#13

Mar 14 2009 01:29pm

Quote (Kiyokoshi2 @ Mon, Mar 2 2009, 07:32pm)

Words
Although the rain that falls like stars
Does not cleanse the soul of scars
It washes away many things
Pain and suffering still will ring
Wounds will would like a knife
If used in ways ruled by strife
Defending blows that can cut
Send many people into ruts
Although people still say
That through it all they are okay
On the surface that may be true
But pain sticks as if glued
Out of sight we all do feel
Many emotions that are too real
People try to point and blame
But look deeper to see their shame
How many just point and laugh?
While others sit and take their crap?
Many of us feel no sense of pride
At what has been done in our lifetime
The pain is felt all throughout
While other people scream and shout
Sitting there pleading
Genuinely needing
The lost innocence
Gone so fast it hardly makes sense
We feel no pain
Abusing others for no gain
After we are long gone
The earth will continue and move on
So what is the prize?
For making others cry?
I myself believe in life
But others feel the need for strife

I dont claim to be a poet so not too hard please?

I loved it.
Your punctuation is a little off though. =]

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