its needs more aliteration
consonomes
and base it with a better ryme scheme

it sucks ballz

and im sure your poems are way better....lol

its really good
something's missing tho..cant quite grasp what

yea well im not done with it just yet

I like it pretty good

not bad pretty touching

pwnt

I think I get what you were trying for... or at least I hope I do >.<

He did something bad, drinks to get over it, does stuff bad when he's drunk, and is now running to Mexico...

I think. well anyways, what I think I got from it was good. Can't wait to read the rest.

~ZERO~

thats exactly what i was going for

im still writing the rest