Wrote A New Poem - Topic

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Oct 5 2008 02:51am

I enjoyed it. It was a great poem.

By the way if you like Captain America you should really see this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWDyoO42qIw

Kamikizzle

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#12

Oct 8 2008 09:52pm

thnx for the input

Kamikizzle

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#13

Oct 28 2008 08:07pm

Kamikizzle

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#14

Nov 2 2008 06:18pm

lol wut?

Diana

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#15

Nov 10 2008 02:33pm

its grrrrreat! lol

Inamena

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#16

Nov 13 2008 02:48pm

Quote (eriot @ Wed, Sep 17 2008, 01:23am)

k ill be frank. its too simple. there is nothing u have to spell out. the allegory is not only simple, u make overkill connections, if u were going for any degree of ambiguation, u failed
i like wordsworth's definition of poetry. an overflow of emotion.
the emotion here is weak. u need to pair it to something. look up wat an elegy is. that shit will move u. learn from it. learn to move people, dont lecture.

linguistically evocative = the language suggests that..

as far as meter goes, there are different ways of creating pleasant sound,
but wat i was referring to is your inconsistent stressing.
you dont need to care about "the way it sounds" but u say u think it sounds smooth, and that is wrong.
to you, it sounds like this and that, but it is offbeat to the general reader who doesnt hear this read by the poet.
a didactic piece like this naturally uses conventional rhythm and its something u shud practice anyway

Ignore him.
It's good.

Prime8

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#17

Nov 13 2008 08:25pm

Quote (Kamikizzle @ Wed, Aug 27 2008, 05:10am)

The Chess Game

You pull out the board, your partner agrees
To play you some chess in the park among trees
The game begins betwixt Johnny and Clair
As their friends gather 'round and stare

Clair moves up her horse, and Johnny his Queen
But she's hid a bishop where Johnny's not seen
She takes out his Queen and puts him check
Extending a sword right up to his neck

He takes out the piece with a pawn nearby
A trade well worth it without asking why
But Johnny reacts and checks her back!
He's bold and his courage still does not lack

She moves out' the way, he preforms a King's castle
--Now checking that King will sure be a hassle
"The game lasts forever", everyone agrees
Betwixt Johnny and Clair in the park among trees

But the game continues toward the dawn
As 4 pawns a horse and 2 rooks are all gone.
The game goes on and gets closer still
It sends through the crowd, an ominous chill

Johnny is good, he could still win the game
As 8 lone pieces ghastly remain
Johnny makes his move and goes for the win
But Clair sees what he's doing and it might be a sin

As she moves her Queen far, and he takes the bait!
She moves her rook down and smiles, "Check Mate"
He puts a hand on her back, and gives her a pat
For he did not think he'd be beaten like that

But they return their pieces back to their place
When Johnny moves up his pawn one space
We all play a game, and it causes strife
I speak of the game we all know as life.

But during this game, when no hopes remain
It's important to smile and say, "Good game"
For luck will turn, for good is the Lord,
Just pick up the pieces and reset the board.

LOL ownage gg man

Judo

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#18

Nov 25 2008 02:54pm

Awesome poem.

I don't like chess, though.

Disciples

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#19

Nov 25 2008 09:42pm

Quote (Inamena @ Thu, Nov 13 2008, 12:48pm)

Ignore him.
It's good.

Why say ignore him? He is probably more intelligent, and familiar with poems then you. And seems to me, he knows what he is saying.

And my opinion on this poem is, that it is great.
But it really doesn't go into any depth you know? No offense here, but it seems more directed to the younger crowd.

Now for me, I personally like poems that aren't so blatant. That make you think of the meaning, you know?

But overall, this is a very good poem!

Diana

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#20

Nov 27 2008 02:34pm

its awesome

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