If this piece was indeed just a free-write, I think it's actually pretty good. Make sure you have a clear and focused direction before you write, and you shouldn't have to worry about the flow or pace too much. I usually just print out my work, take a pen, and just cross out and edit anything that looks funny or weak. I usually do this 4-5 times before I become satisfied with my work.

This post was edited by Hanmin on Jun 19 2008 06:44pm

In regards to the first sentence, you seem like a very descriptive writer. In my opinion, I think you tried to expand upon each part a little too much. I bet you could split it up and expand it to another 3-4 sentences easily. Try that. If that works, do the same with the other parts that feel inadequate.

Just wondering, how long is the whole piece?

This post was edited by Hanmin on Jun 19 2008 07:03pm

no everything is freestyled and not thesaurus'd yet, I read a lot of Dumas, Shakespeare and Homer books so I know quite a few words, I'll be moving on towards Dickinson and more recent authors.



I'll try to follow your example the next time I write.
The whole piece is not yet determined, however I have determined that I am merely introducing characters along with a storyline (so far I have the assasination of a lord whom caused adultery with an eclectic female of somehow a rich nature). I mean as for expanding, I'll probably give suitable reason of why he was assasinated (and try to hint that it was within his own branch by either a jealous person, someone hired by his wife whom found out, or someone who wished his death to be discrete by using the fact that he was with frolicking with a random woman at the time of his death, so his wife will not want to know (or just shouldn't), or they want to keep using his reputation and thus, cannot let this come out to the public.

I'll see what I can do with this creative mind of mine. But yeah I'm trying to be descriptive because many authors do it, however the talent I lack is doing it in so few of words, here's a lovely quote

"The morning's sun rose clear and resplendent, gilding the heavens, and even the foamy waves with its bright refulgent beams." -Alexandre Dumas

I don't think I'd ever create such a scene with a fluid grace within a sentence as he had.