This reminded me of something I read in Nietzsche:



Although he often wrote of overcoming and creating/destroying--not so much about being destroyed. Of course, he vitiated against the state (for not enabling culture) in many of his writings. Maybe you'd like to check him out, if you havent. He was a philosopher who wrote with poetic verve. His work probably culminated in the creation of Thus Spake Zarathustra--also translated as Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedrich_Nietzsche

This post was edited by RewtheBrave on May 27 2008 08:43pm

Title: Irregular



Deepest yearnings hunt my past, initiate the sequence
Masquerade my true perspective
Disappointment and disbelief, when it ends.
Injected back into reality, why can't I make amends?


This is the deepest question I will ever ask.
Why do you hunt me through out the night?
Revenge is yours, during the untold night.
Don't boast just yet, I can still fight.



I can't verify what's going on inside my mind.
One way to make it stop...I gouge out my eyes.
She'll be the last thing I see.
As I draw the last straw, I can't believe I'm ready to die.



As I open my eyes, the world dissipates into tomorrow.
My desires just keep burning me like a forest fire.
As I reach for the earth, impossible means nothing.
The feeling to walk down a path, ordinarily that could never exist.








Thanks Doll for helping me make this better.
And thanks to the other person for inspiring me.

Not bad. Your writing seems like a modern version of Slyvia Plath. She was very good at evoking emotions in her writings, one of my favorite poets.

Thanks.

Title: Injecting the reality


Injecting the reality
Take the time to listen to my true confession
Open up your mind, don't continue to be restricted
My purpose is to imbed my ever lasting impression
For what it's worth, it's been...pre decided. Finally, addicted.



Beneath the same sky, yet a world apart.
When reality makes true of deception.
Just keep hoping that we'll be a work of art
All that's left is that final connection



As time goes by we can only grow
The fight for aspiration, and mental unity
Similarities so close, I'd like to know
Truly are we alike? Unreal...I'll take the first opportunity



Blue prints, falling down the path of Tao
Aligning the pieces of unearthly desire
Exceeded the standards, set a new bar, now take a bow
This feeling of achievement is taking me higher and higher



Welcome to the promise land, try to withstand
Toss up the outcome, enjoy the only existence
Rise above; everything is within the grasp of your demand
Never back down to the influencing resistance



When will we just tremble the earth away...everyday?
Dissipate the forbidden seas, just me and you.
Scorching the moonlite skys, never fearing disarray
Finally, destiny has come true, but to what degree I ask you.



Weigh out the options, contemplate what's best. Truly, what can we bring?
Finally united, what this means, you'll never fully understand.
The dream awaits us; Venus is anticipating the return of her king
Aries take my hand, lead me down the left handed path to the surreal land.

I'm a bit late here, but then again I was away for a while ...

Title: Injecting the reality

This contains some interesting turns of phrase:

"lead me down the left handed path to the surreal land"

I think that's an unusual and very interesting thing to say. I pay a lot of attention to the way things are said in poetry, without paying much attention to lyricism per say (lyric poetry is just bad fashion to me). If an idea or thought strikes me, or if I feel something form what I've read, then I usually like it. Reading, for me, should be an exericse that involves at least some challenge and use of imagination.

So the very idea of a "left handed path" works for me, and the imagery of a surreal land really opens it up.

"Welcome to the promise land"

This is also interesting.

Overall, this poem tells a story if the reader pays attention. It starts a bit abruptly with a kind of smakshing feeling you get if you're around waves crashing into rocks, and form there it goes through a kind of comtemplative mode, asking questions, etc.. It's as if we're trying to find out what will happen to this proposed unity, when, all the while, the writer knows something that the reader anticipates but that the person whom the poem really speaks to (I'd guess a woman for sure) really doesn't quite get. So at the end it appears that the proposed unity finally takes places and everything gets strange, but unfortunately while something is achieved I'm still not sure if the other person in the poem gets it. At least they seem to be going down the path together.

I won't overanalyze everything and "bring out the points" but that was my impression of the basic storyline, without going into details or into the possibilities that the poem leaves open. Pretty interesting stuff I'm still picking up the aggression in this poem, but it's not quite as perhaps scathing or outright a sin some of the others. It's almost as if it's being restrained for sake of allowing the idea of the relationship in the story.

evil

Thankns everyone.

if this is what you hope to accomplish, you've done capitally
for me, its too straightforward. but then im this real fascinated student of ambiguation.

if you would like some exercise, i'd recommend you try writing outside of the first person

u cud proly do well writing a justified persona of an antagonist

Thanks alot!
I'm just trying to find my style and get into thinking more so out side of the box.
Haven't been doing it for even a year yet and so far each poem I spit out gets better and better.