Just came to my head


We had fun fishing.
We had fun hanging out.
We had fun while it lasted.
Too bad your gone.

This post was edited by XxCradlexX on Jul 15 2009 08:32pm

asefs

This post was edited by UnwantedSoldier on Jul 15 2009 11:10pm

ummm....no

Can i receive some constructed criticism? I have only been writing for a few weeks as a therapeutic activity.

Fishing is too specific and too personal to start out with, as few people can relate to it. Perhaps if you started more general.

In a poem this short it's going to be hard to fix that though. I'd really just make it a bit longer.

LOL

Thanks m8.

I will work on it.

looks nice.

What does this souly reflect upon? A friendship? A family? A pet? what does it souly focus on? I believe you need to go into details a little bit I believe this has some heart string pulling potential. Nothing anyone else can help you on just yourself, I too myself when frustrated sad or any emotion I write a poem about it, Helps me feel relieved and allows me to express my feelings. Can we hear more about this object?

Too simple. Like this reply.