Hadn't written anything in a few months but this is a poem for my current gf. Any suggestions are accepted, want this to be good.


My love lie silent in the mist
Sorrow flows with no resist
her somber complexion
my desire, my elegant predilection
take refuge from the rain
From remorse now refrain

In my arms I bid thee be
In my dreams you I see
in my heart you reside
in your love I confide

glowing emerald enticements
worthy of endless compliments
Tender crimson lips
kissed with my hands on your hips
Embrace me 'round my waist
As you I now taste

In my arms I bid thee be
In my dreams you I see
in my heart you reside
in your love I confide

No more crying in the rain
No thoughts of heartache to entertain
No more hiding your face
turning as though a disgrace
Stare me into the eyes
Let me clear your skies.

This post was edited by 99white99 on Apr 5 2006 04:51am

That's a very good Poem. I love it, I can't see anything that should be changed. Really good job.

Beautiful poem, keep up the good work.

i pretty much hate poems

I changed the last two lines to this:

I thought the original ending was a little corny so I believe this is a good change.

I'm glad you guys have enjoyed it...except for EbayOnly lol.

Thats pretty sweet!

Well all I can say is that you should try to keep your foot otherwise its kinda hard to read. Poems like this should flow if you know what i mean. And I personally dont like 1-2,3-4 rhyme pattern, my thoughts on it

Not a big fan of poems but that was pretty good.

Good job, twas heaps good . 9/10

Clap clap clap good job mr.