Can anyone please proof read this for me? My grammar is fairly terrible so It would be greatly appreciated.

Monday 7:21 a.m. Timmy is sitting there on living room floor playing with the puzzle. Timmy takes out all the pieces from the puzzle slots and puts them around the board. He grabs one piece and tries every slot but it doesn’t fit. Timmy starts to scream “ahhhh” his dad watching him says “it’s ok Jimmy, why don’t you try that one?” Timmy starts to turn the piece around until it fit in the hole and grabs another piece. Timmy tries putting another piece in another hole and starts getting sad making “whyyyyy” sound. His father than tells him “why don’t you try over here” and points to open space. Timmy tries putting the piece in but it won’t fit. Timmy’s father than tells Timmy “why don’t you try this one than” and points to the correct spot. Timmy fits the piece into the slot and says “yaaaaaa”. He then gets the third piece in without help and looks over at his brother playing with the toy train and stops playing with the puzzle (half way finished) looking over and mumbles “mmmmm” and walks over and grabs the electronic piano from the blue bin and starts to play with it. Timmy keeps hitting the buttons and the piano isn’t working he than looks over towards his dad and says “ehhhhhhh” and his dad looks at him and asks “what do you want Timmy?” Timmy looks down at the piano and shouts, “ahhhh” his dad than turns on the switch and presses a button for the piano to make some noise. Timmy looks down and starts to play with the piano. 7:25 a.m.Timmy is confronted by his older brother John (4 years old) who had just walked up to him after putting down the toy train. Timmy starts yelling “nooooo” when John takes the piano from in front of him. John returns the piano and they both start playing it. His brother John keeps telling him “no like this Timmy!” but Timmy just looks at him and ignores him and continues playing the piano. 7:30 a.m. Timmy than stops playing the piano and goes back over to the puzzle and sits down by it and continues to finish the puzzle he had started earlier. He picks up the forth piece and puts it in the right slot but it wont fit and continues on to the next slot and his father says “that’s it try again” and Timmy tries the correct slot again and says “hhooowww, hhowwww, hoowww?” than the piece fits in. He than picks up a piece and puts it in the right slot on the first try and his brother comes up and looks at the puzzle. Timmy than points to the piece he just put in and looks at his brother and begins to mumble “da da da doggy.” His brother looks down and says “Yes doggy.” His little brother than quickly puts the other piece in the puzzle and says “this goes right here!” 7:33 a.m.Timmy gets very excited and shouts “yaaaa” His father than hands Timmy a book and opens it to the first page. Timmy looks at the book and points to the bird and says “da da duck!” His father says very good Timmy what is that?” His father than points to another animal and says “What is that?” Timmy’s brother shouts “That’s a cat!” Timmy than turns to his brother and mumbles “ca ca cat!” His father says “Good job Timmy!” His father than points to another animal and says “What is that?” Timmy looks up and closes the book. Timmy’s father asks “Timmy what is wrong?” Timmy grabs his stomach and just stands there. His father than says “Honey I think we are going to need change Timmy’s diaper.” Timmy shouts “mmmmmmm!” and just stares at his dad and the rest of the people in the room. Timmy’s mother comes in and picks Timmy up and brings him to the changing room. 7:42 a.m.

just some minor changes made as suggestion in a hurry
you need to get more 'flow' into this 'story'
ensure you don't start every sentence with 'Timmy'

Not really a story its a running record (kind of like a transcript they got at court) but for a child observation I had witnessed. I just need help with the grammar
But thanks for suggestion!

This post was edited by Vartex on Feb 23 2014 07:34pm