I am an awful writer , and I am just putting together my introduction for my argumentative essay. I have not proof read this , but I know the writing is rather poor.

Can someone just edit it , so it flows more and sounds coherent.

Obesity in children has been on the rise for years now and many people believe that video games are what are causing obesity. Some people believe that genetics contributes to obesity, but overeating and an increased sedentary lifestyle generally caused by excessive video game playing are bigger contributors. Finding out how video games are contributing to obesity in children, specifically males, is important because obesity leads to health issues in the future and without proper action obesity will continue to rise. Video games contribute to obesity because they promote overeating and a more sedentary lifestyle. The main contributor to obesity is the increased sedentary lifestyle brought upon by excessive gaming, people use up very little energy while gaming which in turn causes fat gain. Overeating while playing video games also contributes to obesity, male children are eating excess of amounts of calories while burning very little calories due to their increased sedentary lifestyle so the excess calories they do not burn is stored and turn into fat.

Can someone just edit it , so it flows more and sounds coherent.

Obesity in children has been on the rise for years and many people believe that video games is the cause of obesity. Some people believe that genetics contributes to obesity(cite this quote if you must), .Overeating and an increased sedentary lifestyle generally caused by excessive video game playing are bigger contributors. Finding out how video games are contributing to obesity in children, specifically males, is important because obesity leads to health issues in the future. Without proper action, obesity will continue to rise. Video games contribute to obesity because they promote overeating and a more sedentary lifestyle. The increased sedentary lifestyle <---(2nd mention, avoid repeating) is brought upon by excessive gaming, and people use up very little energy while gaming which in turn causes fat gain. Overeating while playing video games also contributes to obesity, male children are eating excess of amounts of calories while burning very little calories due to their limited physical activity so the excess calories they do not burn is stored and turn into fat.

Edited. ALWAYS make sure to cite your work so your essay claims are backed up.

Tip: Always make sure you never repeat the same sentence or sound too similar.

Here is my thoughts on an edit:

A rising epidemic in the United States and across the world is childhood obesity. Many people believe that video games and electronics are linked to this outbreak. Though genetics play a role, over consumption of food combined with physical inactivity seem to have a large contribution. Obesity is related to a large health care cost and linked to many other health issues. While childhood obesity is an issue affecting both genders, it is more prevalent in males. Males tend to spend more time on the computer or in front of the television. Such activities tend to lead to impulsive snacking, soda consumption, and non-nutritious foods. In addition to these dietary behaviors, increased time on electronics leads to less physical activity and less opportunity to expend consumed energy. The combination of increased calories taken in with decreased calories expended lead to formation of adipose.


I recommend coming up with a strong ending to this statement. If you come up with one and need it looked over let me know!