Quote (OmegaBoy @ Jan 18 2013 03:42pm)
She...gets you.
There's just one problem.
When the two of you aren't together, you feel like a wreck.
Why?
You text her and can be waiting hours, sometimes days for a reply. When the reply does come, it's brief. She doesn't even ask questions. Sometimes it can be as simple and closed as 'Ha. Yeah...'
It seems like when the two of you AREN'T together and enjoying this deep-rooted connection you have, she's not even that interested. This doesn't make sense: you could have sworn she was in love with you the last time you saw her!
Shit...the last time you saw her was three weeks ago!
You were supposed to go out on a date last week, but something came up at the last minute. She had to babysit/study/was exhausted from a tough day in work. Last week, same deal. She did say: "I'll make it up to you tho " so you'd forgotten about it. But now a week has passed and that wink has still to be converted into any ACTUAL making up!!
This doesn't make sense. If it was as simple as her saying one thing and doing another, you'd know that you were getting played. But she's not.
When you finally manage to tie her down...it's perfection.
It's like that line in that Alanis Morrissette song: "An old man turned 98. He won the lottery, then died the next day."
A lot of us spend our whole lives striving for perfection. But when you get everything you want, this crazy little thing called life can take it all away in a heartbeat.
And when you're around this girl, it feels that way. Like you've found exactly what you're looking for. Like you've got to do whatever it takes to hold onto it...because, if you mess it up, you're back at square one and won't get another shot at 'it'.
So the more you don't see her, the more your brain will naturally conspire against you to make you think that you're doing something wrong. That you're messing things up.
Who'd have thought that perfection could destroy you?
Well, I'm letting you off the hook. Because this isn't perfection you've found. Far from it.
You, sir, have encountered a Validation Vacuum (VV for short).
She's not a slut...not by my definition anyway. A slut is somebody who uses her sexuality to manipulate 80-year old's into signing their life savings away...or will sleep with her grotesque boss to get a promotion...They know they're doing wrong and don't care. They deserve a scornful name like a slut.
The VV breed of woman possesses extremely low self-esteem. She believes that she doesn't deserve a man who can make her happy. Maybe she has daddy issues or some similar case that I would pity if she didn't chew decent men up and spit them out.
It is sad if you think about it. A woman who turns herself from a person who BELIEVES they don't deserve a good guy (generally thanks to a previous man in their life) into a woman who genuinely doesn't deserve a good guy. These tend to be the girls who marry the cheating and beating husbands. The type we wouldn't be surprised to see on Jeremy Kyle one day...as the pregnancy tests reveals that the prick is the father of her child, at the expense of the unfortunate nice guy.
But don't spend too much time feeling sorry for them. We're all dealt our cards, it's how we deal with them that defines how we will eventually live our lives. And if you're like I was in more naive days, you'll end up thinking about it then thinking you can 'change' them. Sorry, but life doesn't work that way.
These days, my own personal attitude towards women is that I want to get out there, encounter as many as possible then find the best. To do this, you'll HAVE to encounter validation vacuums at times. They're everywhere. And you'll HAVE to fine tune your selection process to rule them out immediately.
Here's some further helpful hints for spotting them:
They're in constant contact with every ex they've ever had and try to make you feel as if it's normal behaviour. (I could do a whole article on this point alone. In short: no, no, it's not)
They don't feel as if they should be held accountable for their behaviour (i.e. let you know where they're going, what they're doing etc. They'll be deliberately secretive or illusive
They've got an excuse for everything and they all seem believable at the time. (Validation vacuums are generally good, compulsive liars)
You're constantly second priority in their plans. In other words, they'll make time for friends, family, school, sleep, procrastinating, almost anything above you. And, once again, they'll attempt to make you feel as if this is all normal behaviour and that YOU'RE in the wrong for thinking otherwise.
She will do, say, act however you want to keep you interested. If she feels like she's losing you and the ONLY thing she can do is give you a blow-job to hold onto you...despite the fact that she rarely gives blow-jobs...she'll do it in a heartbeat. The VV's need this constant attention and validation from men or it'll make them confront emotions that they'd much rather avoid.
In short: If you find yourself thinking, "This doesn't seem right..." but instead of questioning this girl's logic, you question your own then you are with a VV.
Oh, and because I know that a fair few women actually read this, if you apply to the above you ARE a VV. You can reply and argue with me if you want...it'll give guys a good heads-up.
Here's my rationale towards these girls:
GREAT for quick hook-up's, flings etc.
GREAT for random, exciting adventures and experiences.
GREAT for boredom texts, calls etc.
HORRIBLE for everything else.
This woman will not be your loving girlfriend (she may suck it up and be a terrible gf for a while though if she's short of options) or your wife. When you're given the choice between spending time with this woman and pretty much anyone else, choose the latter.
Once again, I'll re-iterate: these women shouldn't be treated with scorn. Often, very sad circumstances lead them to being this way.
But it's NOT your responsibility to help them. Nor is it possible to. You can't help someone who doesn't truly WANT to be helped. And you can't MAKE them want to be helped.
You're not going to change them. If someone is BUILT to respond negatively to being treated well, then what can you do for them?
Feel sorry for them from afar.
Lyk dis if u cry evrytime