Your first step should be to stop modeling yourself after Jets players.

that hurt

damnit I just googled and I think they are stretch marks. just struck me as odd because I thought I was cutting fat rather than gaining atm :/

I believe stretch marks can occur both when gaining or losing a lot of weight in a small amount of time.

well that's good to know, thanks for the knowledge and I think I'll try some cocoa butter just in case. I'll have to be careful in the future to not get as massively overweight as I was a couple months ago

also in case anyone is interested, I just checked out my back in the bathroom mirror and have stretch marks there too. I don't recommend them for anybody

The worst is biceps

I have a bit on my shoulder/biceps at least it's not visible with a shirt on

No.. The worst is when a girl has them on her tits

and you can see them when she wears a tank top...

That doesn't affect me in any way

It will if you end up dating one.