1. Never put it in a case unless really necessary in order to avoid irepairable damage.
2. Rub any accidental spillages of alcohol into the affected area with your sleeve or a sweaty T-shirt.
3. Utilise the string spacing at the headstock for its primary purpose of holding cigarettes, thus allowing ash to permeate the area.
4. Apply a soft lead [graphite] pencil to the nut to allow movement in the slots. This really works and also effects an attractive black mess which will be transferred to your fingers and, thus, everything else you touch..
5. Wipe the strings after usage with a beer-stained cloth of the type you can get, almost without question, from bar tops. [Ask first. The staff will be so bewildered as to your purpose that they are unlikely to refuse.
6. Apply liberal doses of String Glide or Fast Fret [in quantities far exceeding those recommended] to you strings at every opportunity [Strings are the only things that matter]
7. Points 5 and 6 [above] will ensure that you will never need to change your strings unless they are actually broken or at least a whole tone flat at the 12th fret.
8. Never attempt to clean pick-ups. They will stop working. Plus, an excessive build-up of grime can only increase the magnetic field.
9. Similarly, never remove dirt from around frets.Remember, It is the very presence of filth and sweat that holds them in place.
10. Attach sheets of sand paper to your belt in order to achieve a convincing antique finish to the back of the guitar.
My uncle sent me that after i asked him about cleaning my guitar, made me laugh
