Quote (illmatic518 @ Sat, Jun 6 2009, 08:50am)
I am an american don't discriminate please
Also a poet and have english skillz : )
Say welcome to the Devil
He brings the pain and The Evil (Devil Evil doesn't rhyme but poetic license *meaning u can do whatever the fuck u want*)
We are driving the metal train
Through the flames and a bloody rain (Take out "the" and "a" sounds better)
Only death on our road
And a heavy metal overload
In a dark fog we advance
We let us enter the trance (possibly "guided by our metal trance" makes sense in english yours does not sorry :( you may or may not like my revisions
This stroll looks like great
Killing guys with ours guitar's neck
We break their arms and their fucking legs or => We slice their throat with a guitar pick (1st is better) but you don't need "their" 2 times only before arms
We burst their eyes and slice their head or => We burst their eyes with two drum' sticks (1st is better) but again you don't need "their" the second time
We drive, and we crush
Thousands corpses under our wheels (Must add an "A" at beginning of line
We drive, and we crush
We hear the sound of their bones (Must add a verb if you like that line ie: "cracking"
We drive, and we crush
Into the madness
We drive, and we crush
You can't escape
You 're still in the same music tape
You can't slip away
The death is the only way (No need for "The")
Your God will not come
You're weak and totally alone
We're gonna blow your mind
And it will be the end of mankind (No need for "And")
Black rage, Hell on earth
Black rage, Paradise for us
Black rage, No rebirth
Black rage, Your last breath
Say goodbye to your soul
Can't wait to finish this stroll (Preferably "We" or "You" in front)
Just the time for a last prayer (Preferably "Just the last time for ____ last prayer" "your" or "our")
But do not keep waiting the reaper (But do not keep the reaper waiting)
ANY ADDITIONAL HELP PM ME
You can't make a masterpiece out of shit bro, I don't know why you even bothered.