AP) 10/03 = Congratulations: Rap Star BIG LURCH of Compton, California. He took his roomate (a woman with 2 kids) and grabbed a butcher knife. He stabbed her in the chest, repeatedly. Then he sliced her chest open. Next, he ripped out her right lung and placed it tastefully on the coffee table. Police were called when neighbors discovered BIG LURCH hanging out in the street, nude...and very bloody. Officers noted that BIG LURCH'S mouth was the bloodiest part of his whole body. It took 4 officers to wrestle BIG LURCH to the pavement and handcuff him. In the patrol car, BIG LURCH continued to scream incoherently. (Or was he uttering the lyrics to one of his new Hip-Hop compositions?)
Deciding to check up on Tynish Yasis (that's BIG LURCH'S roomate) the officers entered the house. There on the coffee table, displayed ever so tastefully, was her lung. But that's not what shocked them the most.
Officers winced and turned their heads as they noted that the lung had BIG LURCH'S teeth marks all over it. As it turns out, BIG LURCH chewed and actually swallowed a few pieces of her lung before he ripped off his clothes and went outside to hang-out in the street.
I guess that makes Ms. Yasis BIG LURCH'S Ex-roomate.
Here's the clincher: BIG LURCH'S lawyer says it's not BIG LURCH'S fault, because he was hallucinating on PCP, better known as Angel Dust, and was insane at the time of the murder. Yeah...like let's put this guy in a drug rehab program. I'm sure he'll be cured of his habit in a week or two!
Also, please note that the DEA could care less about this incident. They could help out local police in finding out just who BIG LURCH'S drug dealer is, and if there are more customers who purchased the Angel Dust. But no, it's not Marijuana, so they don't care!
Which leads us to a proposed album by BIG LURCH, featuring some really good Hip-Hop versions of Broadway Show Tunes and Pop Oldies! We suspect it will be a big seller for Big Lurch's record label: Death Row Records:
Wall of text but...wow...what a weirdo
