My girlfriend and I are currently in the process of building a house.
We are together since 11 years and we bought a property and house which is now being built.

Thigns changed the last years, I have a fulltime job and she too which is totally fine but she didn't finish her university and is only getting paid 80% of what a real teacher would get because she didn't make the finals.

Now she is planning wedding, has no complete degree but a job which is fine, and we are building a house.

I told her we should finish the house first, use the money we have left over for the wedding if money is even left over and honestly she should focus on her career and house instead of this stupid wedding.
She cried lol.

What now? I think building house, her career not being 100% done, the wedding is just way too much. And honestly, I'd rather go on a vacation to South East Asia than burn 10k € on a wedding day.
I don't see why she can't prioritise important things first (Career and House) and then wedding perhaps vacation.
But she really wants this wedding. I don't understand.

This post was edited by OviMf on Jul 30 2023 06:05am

A lot of women are like that, especially the young ones. Also, you said you've been together for 11 years, but she is still finishing school, which means she's probably 24, 25 or so. Does this mean you've been together since she was 13?

Regarding her getting paid only 80%: personally, I would hold onto the job instead of completing my studies. The goal of a diploma is to find a job and if you already have one, then it doesn't really matter whether you finish your diploma. Besides, she is getting valuable experience. She can apply at other schools and get the pay she deserves, once she's got a couple years of experience under her belt.

But yeah, tell her that you should save money for the life you are going to build together. Don't spend it on a stupid wedding. People like to tell you that you only get a wedding once in a life time so you should really splurge; however it's only because they are in the business of making money off of weddings. Don't listen to them.

This post was edited by JessiWan on Jul 30 2023 01:43pm

This is a point that is defining if your relationship. I too would prefer little to no wedding if i was to be married. But happiness is shared, and memories are important to some people. If it is not economically crippling, you should know the choice.

11 years is a long time to not marry her yet. Sometimes we have to surrender our own very reasonable wisdom in order to help the people we love feel special. This isn't about money, this is about you giving her a fulfilled dream. Consider a mantra "This is your dream, so whatever you want to do my love"... that kind of openhearted kindness will be returned to you. You can vacation plenty of times throughout your deepening relationship.

What you need to understand is that she is selfish and lazy. She doesn't want to do what needs to be done--finish her degree and finish the house first--and thinks you should just make up the difference. If you get married to her, she will only get worse with her behavior and probably just quit working all together...making you work even more to make up the difference. You need to cut ties with her, as she will be nothing but an anchor around your neck.

I am sorry to be so blunt, but I have seen this happen to so many men in the past...and if I can save just one man from the soul crushing you will be put through in the future, it is worth you not wanting to hear it. And always remember--if she is disrespecting you now, it will only get worse in the future.

Good luck and take care...

What are your current ages? It is quite relevant for this case.

focus on her career? what a world, she doesnt want to focus on her career, 95% of women dont want that, what she wants is to feel like a princess, your princess.

I must be that 5 %. I want a career badly but am held back due to my lack of credentials and experience.

Lol, lets talk when you are 45 and you can tell me all about how great your career is.

95% of women do not want a career, a good portion of that 95% realise it at 35 when nobody wants them anymore

Maybe that's true, however if you have a successful career, then it matters a lot less that you don't have a man in your life.

I am 44 and I want a career more than I want a man. But when I was younger I was the opposite though.

This post was edited by JessiWan on Dec 10 2023 05:26pm