Pat's diary part 58: The Throne of DestructionColenzo and the herd of faggots:on a brisk day in december, Kttulu and his partner and crime, Pratham ventured into the worldstone keep
unbeknownst of the monsters awaiting them, they hustled through the keep undeterred, excited about what was ahead
death lords, stygian furys, those weird fuckin blue things that sound like they're vomiting, demon imps
you name it, they were all there
with the powers endowed from the nephalem, Kttulu and Pratham set foot into the Throne of Destruction, awaiting their destiny.
the first task ahead of them set forth by Baal himself, was a mad demon by the name of Colenzo and his minions
colenzo didn't seem like much of a threat
the nigger was purple and barely even knew how to throw a fire ball
as pratham easily picked off all of the minions, colenzo simply stood there in amazement at the incompetence of his dutiful soldiers
WHAT THE FUCK GUYS he can be seen shouting in the picture below
ATTACK THE FUCKIN BARBARIAN YOU TWATSthe minions, assumed to be from Mexico, understood no english, and ignored their master
under immense pressure from Baal to thwart the barbarian, colenzo's blood pressure skyrocketed through the roof
he turned around angrily, and ripped one of the fallen's head clean off
he chucked it at the rest of the minions left, and like a fucking demonic bowling ball from hell, shredded the remaining soldiers to pieces
then, with an amazing show of agility and swiftness, he spun around, grabbed one of the spears coming towards him, and shoved it through his own chest
"alright", pratham said
one down.
Achmel and the new hope:With the purple raggity-ann faggot squad defated, Baal summoned the next group of minions he had on retainer: A frightening looking mummy named Achmel and his/her henchmen.
Neither of them knew what to expect from this group of enemies. But, like any other day, Kttulu began throwing spears and Pratham began being a stupid fuckin pain in the ass by making everything worse in every possible way
It seemed to be going well. The unravelers didn't have much life and the spears were mowing down the mummified motherfuckers in mere seconds
With Achmel now the only one remaining, he had to think fast. Kttulu was throwing spears like a god damn harpoonist, and he was moby dick the whale. If moby dick was a whale. Idk. I haven't read the book. He was the fuckin whale tho in this analogy
And that's when he began reviving his skeleton children. They were all laying dead in front of him, so he revived them to block the spears.
They were incredibly weak however, and the spears would 1-hit them. But alas, he kept on reviving them anyway.
The skeleton children were revived for a mere 5 seconds before being brutally slain again
Kttulu and Achmel had reached a stalemate. Kttulu couldn't penetrate his perpetual wall of skeletons, and Achmel didn't have time to do anything but keep reviving them.
The battle went on for hours and hours, when finally, something unexpected happened.
Instead of blocking the spears for his father, one of the revived skeletons had had enough of his fathers shit.
NO he turned around at screamed at him
I AM NOT FUCKIN DYIN AGAIN JUST BECAUSE YOU CANT HANDLE YOUR SHIT IN A TIMELY FASHION
Achmel, not knowing how to react, can be seen in the picture below with the expression I can only interpret as: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Using this distraction to Kttulu's advantage, he huffed and he puffed and he darted a motherfucking sky rocket through the air so fast Achmel's head exploded from the sheer velocity of the wind around him
Child abuse ain't cool, yo
Bartuc The Bloody- Pratham goes ham:Baal, getting irritated that his underlings were failing to halt this brave Barbarian and his homo-erotic partner, quickly moved on to phase 3 of his plan.
Reminiscing to the days of Travincal, Kttulu knew this was going to be the toughest fight they've had yet. He was terrified, but he wasn't about to let Pratham know that. Instead, he called him a spud fucker.
The council members all began summoning their hydras immediately. And that shirt hurt. It hurt bad, man. Kttulu had no choice but to backtrack and fire from a distance.
Just as Kttulu was finishing up kiting them all and preparing to take them on one by one, Pratham once again ruined the entire mission by luring them all over.
What the
FUCK MAN
NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I MET SOMEONE WITH SUCH A LACK OF BRAIN POWER
NO WONDER YOU WERE A BASTARD CHILD AND RAISED IN A ISLAMIC ORPHANAGE AND RODE A DONKEY TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY
And with that, Pratham stopped in his tracks. He leered over towards Kttulu, breathing heavily, eyes filled with darkness
GO PUT ON A FUCKIN TURBAN YOU USELESS SACK OF POTATO SKINS
And that's when it happened.
Pratham exploded in a furious rage of hellbent madness and anger
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPratham ran at the speed of god damn light and pole vaulted 50 feet into the air
nobody knew what the FUCK was happening
even Bartuc was just standing there, staring in amazement
Pratham, breaking several world records in the pole vaulting category, returned back to surface, said a bunch of shit in some sort of weird and freaky language, and then began spinning around like a fucking islamic tornado of societal inequality
WHAT THE FUCK
The entire council had no idea how to react
Before they could even summon a hydra, they were ripped to fucking pieces and their corpses thrown around the chamber like a pair of god damn limbic boomarangs
Kttulu looked overat Pratham to see him trying to catch his breath
"Well god damn."
"You're still a fucking idiot tho"
