The Misadventures Of Three Sorceress Archmages - Topic

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Jun 25 2024 01:50pm

The merchants assets are seized and the hydras eat the last stock broker, as fanatical and intolerant to new ideas as any prim priestess of the most orthodox Skatsim interpretations.

Embarrassingly enough Wanja accidentally teleported next to the infuriated Chief Executive Overlord instead of casting a frozen orb but took no hit. Narphet was hit and they were cursed, but not seriously harmed. Wanja did in the end have the last laugh as she managed to lure the Smith to the stairs down to his vaults or something similar, and lock him out. Unbearable reverse trade union tactics worthy of the United Mercenary Troops (UMT), a lockout of the corporate management!

Now that Charsi has reasserted herself in the role of domineering market force the WWW will have to realize what powers they have unleashed. There is effectively no competition in the heroic smithing business. Gheeds motley collections do not suffice to establish a niche of the market, which has degenerated into...it is almost too hideous to speak the word... Let it be known, however, that not even witches magics are enough to free them from the sad state of existence any time soon, but they will be locked in a meaningless struggle across the board for a long time simply by the aura of capitalistic influence emitted by the positively glowing Charsi, who is certainly both glowing and positive when she's in the mood. With nobody else left in the market, the helpless customers can now look forward to naught but to roll the dices and hope they win a crossword contest in time to afford lodgings in the red Burial Grounds Hotel.

Maltacus

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#52

Jun 30 2024 03:59am

25. Monopoly

After 22 beauty contests, 18 crossword contests and mortgaging of everything from the Lut Gholein Caravansary to the Kingsport Harbour, Wilhelmina has achieved a controlling position on the estate market with hotels on both the dark blue Travincal and Black Tower as well as four houses on the green Lower Kurats, Kurast Bazaar and Upper Kurast. Wilma and Wanja are bankrupt since long and would have been rid of this stupid and essentially hazard game thinly disguised as something containing some strategic level. Unfortunately the WWW are not playing with common rules but Elite Unique (EU) rules. EU rules state that instead of losing their assets, players that run out of funds will borrow what they lack from the bank which will in turn borrow from the hedges around the Rogue Camp, who will in turn borrow from the shrubberies, which will in turn borrow from the Kings Council. The last one will then borrow from the bank and levy increased taxes on any player remaining to work of it's debt. EU rules it is...

Under those rules Wilhelmina seems to have bribed the bank and state to achieve diplomatic immunity while Wilma and Wanja are less privileged. Time and time again they are sent directly to the jail without passing Go. Once there, they must clear out a portion of that disgusting hovel before being able to get back in the game. While chasing the latest in a line of annoying immune little devils Wilma silently wonders if these EU rules really grant any benefits to the common player at all.

Maltacus

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#53

Jun 30 2024 04:03am

The jails are haunted by the ghosts of restless souls. They are sure to become even more restless when haunted by taunting melodies of universe-transcending popular culture. Ghosts are sensitive to fire in general and while their speed makes them hard to catch, the fire spells are still usually a wise choice.

Ugliest in the Act, and quite possibly the game, Pitspawn Fouldog would surely have been a nasty opponent in Hell for a close combat character. The barrage of lightning orbs requires the vigor of a thunder god to be resisted properly and cold enchantment adds another damage layer to this, even before one has to close in with their yawning maws. Both paladins and druids would probably dread the encounter.

Then there are those who lean more towards outsourcing their work from a distance.

Stubborn goats prove to be a problem at times. Wilmas major weakness is the unreliable nature of blizzard. The snowballs fall some at a time and while bulky creatures are often hit the small enemies avoid most. Blizzard still works well along a more precise and accurate spell, such as ice blast, or with a mercenary that can deal with the elusive but puny annoyances. Since Wilma lacks either and also has insufficient attack rating to use her crossbow as a reliable main attack she is at her worst against these crowds of spread out and mobile raiders.

Maltacus

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#54

Jun 30 2024 04:05am

The hydras are most things that blizzard is not - accurate, single target attacks from a huge and often safe distance.

On returning up Wilma is introduced to Wilhelminas new level of immersion - actual crosswords to illustrate the proverbial crossword contests.

"Here are malcontents sent to explore all three levels: four letters."

"Sigh... Jail."

"Beginning with a "d", such oppose the trade empire of Wilhelmina: ten letters."

"D... Delicacies?"

"Doctorates?"

"Delinquent, of course."

Just as well that Wanja draws another going to jail card next. Going down to the waypoint in the first level, that supremely logical placement, she is ambushed by three packs of goats and dark ones and must teleport across them behind bars to escape. Also a very logical action.

Maltacus

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#55

Jun 30 2024 04:08am

A hit triggers the enlightened blaze of Wanjas armour, enabling her to leave the WWW:s mark on the jail. It could be disrespectfully said to be something of a cat-like behaviour, perhaps a sabre cat, but no demons are left to enact such perplexingly pejorative statements.

Wilma and Wanja have over time started to grow a little suspicious. How is it that Wilhelmina has scored such perpetual success in the monopoly game? Is it because she snatched the lucky shako piece, leaving the old chain boot and the vambrace? How sneaky! And just why is it necessary for her to always be the one to hand out the chance cards to anyone landing on such a spot?

Actually, aren't there a few subtle differences on the back side of some of those chance cards...those "go to jail" cards!? There certainly are a lot of those compared to what Wilma and Wanja are familiar with, not that they have deigned to waste their time with stupid games of dice, but...it is almost as if someone has collected all "go to jail" cards from other game sets and gathered them to insert in the deck when the enemy is about to draw a card...

"WILHELMINA!"

Perhaps it is just as well that the fall of the short-lived EU-rule loan scam is at that time interrupted by the droning voice of a new bounty being issued, by Deckard Cain no less...

"It is certain that we face the demon queen, Andariel..."

Lazybumi

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#56

Jul 2 2024 12:57pm

As always, loving your choice of words haha

Maltacus

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#57

Jul 3 2024 01:38am

Quote (Lazybumi @ Jul 2 2024 07:57pm)

As always, loving your choice of words haha

Pleased to be of service.

Maltacus

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#58

Jul 3 2024 01:40am

26. The Maiden's Anguish

Ignorant and uninformed creatures cling to the outdated and obsolete, not to say outright preposterous and perplexingly implausible, impression that being the Maiden of Anguish and Demon Queen is a relaxing and carefree occupation. Ha! As if! It is anguish, one could tell you. Anguish!

If it isn't disobedient carvers or hyperactive rat men running around and making a mess of the aesthetic blood pool, or whole scores of your harlot daughters fluttering away to have a skiing vacation with Baals minions in the north, it's disturbing moralist views interfering with ones personal taste and needs in clothing! Can not people understand that a so very easily overheated lady may actually enjoy being unencumbered by restricting warm garments? The negative fire resistance is as a matter of fact right there in the public bestiary journal, could someone please put two and two together?

And to propose that one with the capability to maintain this exquisite hairstyle, even in the middle of battle, would in some way be affected by the paltry forces of gravity...eyes up here if you would be so kind, and you will observe more! If one was bothered by such base natural circumstances one could begin with the obvious measures of removing the weight of golden chains, before resorting to wrapping oneself in sweat-inducing itching textiles.

One would indeed believe that hardened demonicidal thugs would be inured to bared body parts since they hack so many away from their owners and let them fly through the air, yet it does apparently gall the Sanctuary Peoples Front and other adamant critics to see whole and healthy such, still attached to their proper place. The grisly scenes of the jail go as unmentioned as the despairing desolation of hell, but heaven and its angels forbid that innocent little paladins or humble little amazons would be struck by the shocking exposure of a whole and unbroken human body. The burning hells management is not without faults but at least they haven't been bothersome regarding dress codes.

Not even can a poor Maiden of Anguish wallow in her anguish undisturbed, before a trio of annoying brats intrude and interpret her delicate hairdressing as an excuse of believing themselves to be at a party of veteran sorceresses of high level, the so called "80:s", who frequently conjure lightning bolts around their head to make their own hair stand up in all directions. Not even Andariels resilient butler, virtually immune to all of the most elementary instructions and complaints, manage to persuade the WWW that they are in fact not invited.

This post was edited by Maltacus on Jul 3 2024 01:47am

Maltacus

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#59

Jul 3 2024 01:43am

There is only one question that needs to be solved for Wilma, Wanja and Wilhelmina - the door or the lake? The door offers more cover but less visibility and a much harder time to aim. The lake is open and unimpeded but at the same time leaving everyone exposed to venomous outbursts from the hostess. The WWW decide in favour of the door and thereafter promptly kick it in, eager to join the presumably exalted partygoers inside.

Wilma:
First when there's nothing
But a small glowing eye
Then you peer scaly hide
Deep inside the ground

All alone, I would cry
Silent tears, run and hide
Behind a wolf made of steel
Faded tone

Then, I hear them calling
Close my eyes, feel their heat
Wrap around, and give warmth, to my heart

Never reeling
None need healing
Hydras have it all
And they're fighting for my life

With a passion
They make it happen
They are here all five
They will eat right through your life!

Wanja:
Now I smell the sulphur
I am frost, I am cold
In a flash, it takes leave of my heart

Narphets feeling disbelieving
I will burn it all
When I cast my fire walls

Protects your stashes
For hacks won't happen
Flames will come alive
Now they're dancing through the halls

What a feeling

Wilhelmina:
Wondrous feeling, I am lightning now
It's revealing fire from the sky
Vanji is alive
When we tear right through your life

What a feeling (I can really loot it all)
What a feeling
(Screenshots come when I call)
I can loot it all (I can really loot it all)

Have it all...

Little wonder that a tormented anguished maiden completely bursts apart! Those witches are insufferable and none were even hit by her poison or claws a single time, nor were any of their hired arcane consultants from Kurast seriously harmed! Just wait until Lilith hears of them...

"Mooooom! Do you know what happened at WORK today!?"

Maltacus

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#60

Jul 10 2024 01:17am

27. Denied Access

With the bounty on the emotionally unstable maiden of the monastery collected, the prospects of the WWW are looking far more stable, opening the door for wise investments in cake, silks of the east, luxury carpets for the wagons and cheap paladin/assassin witch-hunting parody pulp fiction. Perhaps not so stable after all, those prospects...

Wilma, Wanja and Wilhelmina decide to follow Warriv on the trail east to Lut Gholein, the town of sophisticated and learned inhabitants with balanced views on female spell casters. There is a somewhat interesting advertisement that has captured their attention. One Drognan, Grand Vizier 2.0, royal advisor extraordinaire and general wise guy, is concerned about the door guarding policies of his ruler to the point of panic. The new sultan of the city is letting anyone in, no matter how shady a record, and it is only a matter of time before his lax security measures threaten the entire community. Anyone who could offer aid will be amply rewarded.

The WWW discuss the matter and concludes that a solid fire wall spell should be helpful. Fire walls are often used by experienced sorceresses to deter intruders from spying on them or sneaking off with valuable information. Only a really determined assailant who is ready to almost literally hack through the walls can make it past such defences unscathed. Such hackers can only be countered by an active and dynamic defence and security protocol.

Initially the WWW are in luck and manage to avoid the mob and see the condescending Drognan who despite his snide manners seems quite eager to enlist their aid. It soon turns out that the city has more acute troubles. The sewers have become occupied by some undead egocentric artisan looking for spare parts for himself, unfortunately spare parts from the populace. Just as bad, the lack of working sewers has led to outbreaks of fevers and all sort of maladies and the city smell like garbage. The WWW divide their forces to both earn money and live to smell the tale. Wanja will be working on the fire wall while Wilma and Wilhelmina investigates the diseases. First things first, the intruders must be driven from the upper levels of the sewers so the drainage system can be put to use, primitive as it admittedly is. Burning dead fall fairly easily to cold and thunder but sand raiders are considerably tougher. Wilhelmina encounters a particularly nasty pack.

Not without entertainment value though. This frozen specimen is definitely deserving apprenticeship at the Ministry of Silly Walks.

The commander is less hilarious. Extra fast, spectral hitting and full of conviction, Wilhelmina and Vanji need to teleport frantically to keep a safe distance. This is precisely the kind of opponent the WWW dread the most.

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