Rödluvan: OK, thanks. I will take it all from here. Do you know where I can hire a mule to carry it all?

Snövit: “Give thee” as in a pompous and boasting presentation, not literally! Go home and work for your equipment, like the ring of social security leech, for you will get none of mine!

Maltatai: Manners! Impressive catch, Snövit, but most of the items seem not so relevant to you. They are more like…trophies.

Snövit: To the inattentive and uneducated layman, perhaps, but that is totally wrong. The epic Woestave will, together with Cleglaws gloves, give me a fearsome amount of slowing, and also Prevent Monster Heal. Muahahaha!

Maltatai: Amazon with Woestave and Cleglaws Pincers. And dependant on Peace to get a good valkyrie. Where have I heard this before?

Snövit: Oh, drop it. Just because Livexia was first doesn’t give her the sole right to use the stuff. Furthermore, Twitchthroe is great for poking mercenaries like Waheed. Aldurs jagged star may be useful for its lightning damage. And yeah, we did some questing and stuff too. I melted the skellies and annoyed the greater mummies beyond belief. Holy freeze is a great aura. My guided arrows have become quite cheaper and more effective since last time. They certainly owned the summoner and his minions.



When I reached the signs I could not believe my eyes. Someone had stolen the real signs and replaced them with total crap nonsense.



Maltatai: Like what?

Snövit: It is hardly worth mentioning.

Rödluvan: They read: Snövit is better suited for gutting fish than shooting monsters, Snövit is made of rotten cheese, Snövit drinks fermented apple juice for breakfast, Snövit has a brain of lard and a ridiculous haircut, Snövit can’t hit a balrog five metres away.

Snövit: IT WAS YOU!

Rödluvan: Hihihihihahahaha!

This post was edited by Maltatai on Nov 27 2016 04:06am

Maltatai: As silly as always. Why am I really surprised? Rödluvan, how was your continued questing?

Rödluvan: Very wholesome and healthy. Despite my fire resistance the desert was quite exhausting. One really has to take any opportunity to stretch properly when travelling and shooting through this wasteland. Tankfully, and thankfully, my trusted and PROPERLY DRESSED valkyrie tanks so well that I can do some stretching in the middle of a battle.



Snövit: I bet your fire resistance is just profound sweating. The smell must be unbearable for Telash. By the way, I find it highly irresponsible of you to stretch in the middle of a combat situation. Where is your precious solidarity with your comrades now? And your valkyries armour is sooo last Act.

Maltatai: Isn’t there a lot of nagging about that valkyrie armour. Give it a rest, both of you.

Rödluvan: And my fire resistance is quite real. That was proved when I, hrm, had a little incident with a sorceress staff I found.

Maltatai: Yes?

Rödluvan: It’s really not worth mentioning. It was loaded with some enchant charges and I thought I would try it out, to get a cool red colour.

Maltatai: Of course, aesthetics before everything…

Rödluvan: But with the enormous heat here it went a little bit out of hand. But it was only temporary. I quickly ran back through the town portal to neutralise the theoretical, purely theoretical, danger of setting the town on fire.



Snövit: You idiot! Marauder! Villain!

Rödluvan: It was never any real danger! Besides, you should keep your mouth shut because the way you have been confused and absent-minded these latest days you could have covered the town in freezing and misguided arrows by mistake any minute. It’s a miracle we are still alive!

Snövit: Oh, go and jump into the sewers or something. I’m perfectly focused.

Rödluvan: Only on Meshif.

Maltatai: What is this about?

Snövit: Oh, grow up! I simply thinks he’s kinda nice.

Rödluvan: And you are hopelessly devoted to your crush on him…

Snövit: I hadn’t really talked to Meshif before finishing Duriel but then we met when I was going to ask him to take me on a trip out to Kurast.

Maltatai: In other words, asking him out? Technically speaking.

Snövit: Maybe you could say that. I was like all nervous cause he’s so good looking with his sea captain swaggering style and all that. But he was really nice and complimented my archery skills and all!

Maltatai: Oh, the archetypical mysterious sea captain. How classic. What happened to your freezing arrow?



Snövit: What? Oh, that one? Umm, hm, I, er, found it very hard to be cold to any one when talking to Meshif, especially him, so I sort of…reconfigured…my freezing arrows to a more romantic heart-warming type.

Rödluvan: Pfffffhahahahaha!

Maltatai: Ehm, not wanting to sound disrespectful, but won’t that “charming arrow” have an area of effect if it is based on freezing arrows? Maybe guided arrow would have been better to start from. What if it affects everyone around, like Waheed, Telash and your valkyries? Or even Rödluvan, “snigger”. No, no arrow or spell would the amount of power required to make you two come to terms with each other... Anyway, I think you should try to get to know Meshif a bit more before you overreact too much. Something tells me he talks that way to every Amazon he meets.

Rödluvan: That’s actually true. He’s a real player. Just like Maltatai. It certainly takes one to know one.

Maltatai: OK, I may be a “player” but not in that way! I’m a very honest gentleman I assure you.

Snövit: Besides, I’m sure you’re wrong! He was just polite when talking to you, I am sure. But to me he really put his heart and soul into those words.

Maltatai: If you say so. Enjoy your trip and watch out for mutinous first mates and krakens. Over and out.

This post was edited by Maltatai on Nov 27 2016 04:06am

Episode 12. Nightmarish Swamps

Maltatai: Greetings and well met! Let’s get the update going without delay before the next rain and thunder gets here. Sweden is currently the home of a sorceress practising the thunderstorm spell a little too eagerly. The protagonists have now crossed the ocean and landed in the welcoming bogs and swamps of the Kurast docks, which are so stinking that they are separated from the actual city by miles of jungle. Truly a, well, nightmare.

Snövit: Oh, ha. Ha. Ha. What a clown.

Rödluvan: Don’t listen to that grumpy thorned hulk. She is just sulky because she can’t handle a little wind.

Snövit: I tell you it was a damned storm!

Rödluvan: Pfff! Ha! You just looked for any excuse to jump up in Meshif’s arms, whining about a little gale like a little rogue! Embarrassing!

Snövit: The only thing that was embarrassing was you, but I think I managed to make a good impression despite your presence.

Rödluvan: Until you fell over and vomited in the sea. What a turn-on it must have been…

Snövit: I did not vomit! I just felt as if I would and needed to look at the water for a while.

Rödluvan: More like hanging over the water and moan for a while… I can’t believe what Meshif could see in you since then.

Maltatai: I take it that Meshif acted commendably un-playerly then?

Snövit: Yes, he was great! He gave me some hard bread to chew on to get rid of the sea-sickness and then arranged a magic arrow competition so I would have something else to think of. He’s so sweet! I won the competition of course, because Rödluvan ran out of mana. Hahaaahaha! Then, when we approached the docks, we were attacked by a river stalker but I slashed it in the head with the Woestave and it bled to death making the sea all red. It was soo romantic!

Maltatai: Romantic indeed... Who would not want a dead sea monster on your date?

Snövit: “dreamy eyes” “sigh”

Maltacus: “clears throat”

Snövit: Oh, ah, can you believe Meshif asked me out?

Rödluvan: No. Not at all.

Snövit: It was so great, we dined at the docks watching the sunset and eating a classy fish supper.

Maltatai: The whole town is the Kurast docks and you tell me you dined at the docks! No kidding? I would never have guessed.
Snövit: I was wearing a stylish blue dress and, since Meshif is a seafarer and bound to like fish and such, fishnet stockings and a necklace of seashells!

Maltatai: Yeah, we’re so interested…Did you use fish-scent perfume too?

Snövit: Of course not! Just how stupid do you think I am? I would never do anything that smart, I’m way stupider than that!

Maltatai: …

Rödluvan: …

Snövit: I meant I would never do anything that stupid, I’m way smarter than that, of course. Aaaah! Just let’s move on to the questing!

Maltatai: Excellent idea. Time for some gory battle reports. Now amaze the audience with all the thrilling escapades of you and your minions.

Snövit: I bought a breastplate with sockets where I placed a sapphire and damaging jewels, but the useless thing didn’t turn blue, it just turned my toes blue! What crap!



Maltatai: Turning ones toes blue! I’ve never heard of armour that does that.

Snövit: You’ve never dropped the armour on your toes. I can tell you they turn very, very blue.

Rödluvan: How can you stand that whining little brat? Just complaining about everything to hide her own clumsiness.

Snövit: Go and play in one of the flayer cauldrons, will you? I wonder, the flayers can hardly reach up to the edge of their cauldrons – how do they stir and spice up the contents? Perhaps their chefs are as respected as their shamans and sit on the shoulder of other flayers? OR, maybe the shamans ARE the chefs? That would explain why they try to roast me every time they come near with that fiery chilli breath. Anyways, dessert was served early the days I came by and shot them all into ice cream for Waheed and my valkyrie to shatter. Guided arrow rules against shamans.

Rödluvan: I beg to differ, no actually I demand to differ. It is strafe and exploding arrow that rule against flayers.

Maltatai: I will beg to differ once the next difficulty level begins...ahem, were there any memorable moments in the jungle?

Snövit: Yes, I held a bridge all on my own in a very heroic fashion. It was just like 300 actually, but just one and with no beards. And less shouting. And with archery.



Rödluvan: Can you believe that the mouldy, dusty, tattered tome of Lame Esen was in the same temple as before?

Maltatai: Isn’t it Lam Esen’s tome?

Rödluvan: No, someone who hides his tome in the same place even when the world is remade and reversed is surely lame. Not cool at all.

Snövit: The council of the European Union…ahem, Zakarum…had seen it fit to add new items to the agenda of enchantments but it did not save them. Down with parliamentarism! Bow to queen Snövit!



Maltatai: Quite the individual freedom we will enjoy in your liberal way to govern a state…

Snövit: Strict measures are in order to combat the nasty red party, which are obviously evil. Just look at the hydras, councillors, undead flayers and flame spiders.

Rödluvan: Not to mention the hideous undead stygian dolls, drowned corpses, gloams and zakarumites. The legions of evil indeed.

Maltatai: Any good items found lately?

Rödluvan: Yes, I did, I did, I did! I got a red ballista, lovely colour but my UNIQUE ARBALEST is better.

Snövit: Yes I seem to recall you mentioning that one before. But go ahead, just gloat about it like a spoiled brat.



Rödluvan: AND I have found myself a red/orange axe that slows the target. But it only require one hand to use! Hahaa! Beat that, Snövit!

Snövit: What!?



Snövit: Bah, it doesn’t have Prevent Monster Heal nor Open Wounds or Freezes Target. Pathetic.

Maltatai: But the ability to carry a shield is worth a lot sometimes. With a halberd you can stand behind a minion and be safe but a shield is likely preferable when facing bosses and such. I would say both weapons are equally useful but it is extremely stylish and lucky that you got a blue and red “axe” respectively and not the other way around. On the other hand, it is a bit ironic that Rödluvan, who would make the most of a weak but fast bow with her maxed elemental arrows, have found the slow but powerful arbalest. That thing would be quite fearsome together with Snövit’s guided arrows. Well, well, hopefully Snövit will find some good bow soon.

Snövit: Of course I will! And then the collective socialists shall tremble!

Rödluvan: Not nearly as much as the solitary capitalists once I have upgraded!

Maltatai: Ahem? Prime Evils anyone? Now, as you are about to go to hell…oh, right, I forgot! How was Mephisto?

Rödluvan: Yaawn…

Snövit: Pfffhaha…what a loser.

Maltyatai: Obviously a grave danger as everyone can hear… So, as you are about to go to hell, what are you wearing?

Rödluvan: What kind of question is THAT?!

Snövit: I SAY! The corrupting indecency of the three is spreading even to chroniclers!

Maltata: What? Oh, give me a break…I meant what kind of equipment/gear/armour/weapons you are using! Honestly, just because Amazons look like Barbie dolls (except for the starvation) and dress like a rogue doesn’t mean everyone gets obsessed of you!

Snövit: Oh. Right. That kinda makes sense.

Rödluvan: Ahem. Yes.

Snövit: I have the following noteworthy items:



My resistances are lousy, barely white. Only lightning resistance is a bit higher, at 43. I have extra gloves with magic finding and an amulet with a little resistance along with magic finding, to use if things get dangerous. And I also have a blue crown and can borrow a circlet from Waheed to get some more resistances.

Waheed has Twitchthroe and a circlet with fire resistance that he will not need ( he’s got 71 naturally). He wields Strength in a Partizan, which works but isn’t great.

Rödluvan: My awesome equipment is this:



Telash the Enlightened has a rare tulwar, Rockfleece, Duskdeep and ancients pledge in a kite shield. I have many perfect gems waiting to be set in a crown or socketed armour but all suitable ones are hidden from me. Booo. It would be sooo awesome to have a red gothic plate. I have a manald heal ring and blood gloves as reserve, and ruby light plated boots with faster running. They look great, latest fashion. Thanks to my charming charms I have good fire and lightning resist (59 and 71) but easily gets cold in this, hrm, limited armour and my stomach has been a bit upset by all the rotting swamp food in Kurast (-18 poison resist and 22 cold resist).

Maltatai: Isn’t red always the most fashionable according to you?

Rödluva: So? That doesn’t make it less fashionable.

Maltatai: Of course not. How could I overlook that detail? Next episode will be about the fiery pits of the nightmarish Act IV, where danger lurks behind each shadow. Will Rödluvan get a Rhyme tower shield before she faces Diablo? Will Snövit find a decent bow at last? Don’t miss the thrilling tale with a catchy title I have yet to invent. Over and out.

This post was edited by Maltatai on Nov 29 2016 11:51am

Episode 13 Diablo the Brown

Maltatai: The burning ashes and smouldering craters of putrid, poisonous fumes presented a view that would sap the wits and strengths out of the strongest of warrior. Luckily, no strong warriors stepped into the ruins of the Råsunda football arena after another struggle between AIK and DIF or HIF (Swedish football teams of different parts of Stockholm, each more or less infamous for badly behaved supporters). Instead, two small teams of three each pushed their way across the Outer Steppes by cheesily keeping their distance and shooting down the helpless demons and dumb knights…doom knights, sorry…unfortunate enough to appear. It…

Snövit: HEY! WHAT THE HECK are you writing!? May I remind you that I was still stuck with a ZEPHYR in a CEDAR BOW at that time! It was SLOOOOOW, and not cheesy at all!

Rödluvan: Wow, boasting about her lack of good gear. That’s something I wouldn’t have expected out of that one.

Maltatai: Oh, pardon me. I just thought that the demons of the burning hells were completely and totally obliterated by your icy arrows and fearsome minions. But maybe I was mistaken.

Snövit: Well, I did of course kick their tails, figuratively speaking. And the frost aura of Waheed is agony incarnated for the hellish demons that we encounter, along with his strengthy poleaxe and my trusty peaceful valkyrie.



Maltatai: In other words, you cheesed right through the entire act by staying out of range of the enemies and freezing them.

Snövit: I, no, aargh!, what do you expect?! WE’RE FREAKING BOWAZONS!

Rödluvan: But I’m also a tough and sturdy Tankazon on occasion, roaming the Outer Steppes with my fearsome axe and shield. VERY cool and unusual if I may say so myself.

Maltatai: But you may not, because now we will talk about you adventures one at a time. I have so many screenshots to cover that it will turn into an even greater mess than usual if I try to deal with the act area by area like usual with you two interrupting me and each other with confusing banter every second phrase. Snövit got through the act first and thus we will first learn about her adventures.

Snövit: HAHAAA!

Rödluvan: Bah, the guest of honour always arrives late.

Snövit: Exactly, and the unwanted guest arrives even later and isn’t allowed in because the doors have been locked to keep the collective filth out!

Maltatai: Drop it! I’m trying to edit here! Snövit, I understand that you found the early parts of the burning hells quite easy?

Snövit: Yeah, I practically blow through it like a non-druid hurricane!

Rödluvan: Yeah, you blow, that’s for sure…

Snövit: Let me be customer-friendly and ask you a simple question: Which end of Woestave would you like shoved into your guts, and from which direction?

Maltatai: Hrm, let’s…no, why do I even bother trying…So you got far into the ash and dust. Did you meet someone interesting?

Snövit: Yeah, the reincarnated and re-fallen Izual, with his very stylish colours. A shame he never drops some kind of unique personal armour of shining blue. He is one cold and insensitive bastard, AND I AM NOT SO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, RÖDLUVAN!



Maltatai: What delicate sensitivity. Truly touching.

Snövit: After the plains of the despairing boredom lay the damned city where there is a waypoint and stairs down to some flaming river. Wow, you really get to curse things when playing and talking about this game! The river had the same blackened stone shore/causeway thing to walk on as before. Hephasto had gotten himself some new enchantments (a funny thing is; when he had died, his sandal appeared to emit a sound that sounded closely like the word “enchantment!” when you held it close to your ear). They were actually quite smart, with the pulse aura ensuring cursedness of all enemies and a complement to the physical damage. On the other hand, it is often a gross over-doing of only physical damage that is the most dangerous.

Be that as it may, Waheed and my valkyrie tanked well and I knocked him off his balance and back with my arrows. Eventually he was just at the bank of the flaming river! Then Waheed thrust his mighty spear-looking partisan into the chest of the toad demon and heaved him into the lava! What a spectacular ending and culmination it looked to be – like Terminator II and the Return of the King movie (had it been good enough to be worthy of the story it was based on) and all the other throwing-stuff-into-fire-ending-scenes in one. Unfortunately (at least I thought so then) the demons of the burning hells are not really harmed by the flaming river. Their aversion to it has more to do with their idea of hygiene, or lack of it – they are simply to lazy to take a bath. When Hephasto fell in he just floated on his belly fat or inflated ego or whatever it was and mocked us in a scandalous fashion!



Maltatai: “silent chuckle”

Snövit: What? Did you wish to say something?

Maltatai: Eh, hehe, please continue. You mentioned something of wielding the Zephyr bow previously. Am I to understand that you now use something else, presumably more suitable?

Snövit: YES! Among the remains of Hephasto, which I was so glad had not ended up in a burning way, lay nothing less than KUKO SHAKAKU!!! Ahu, ahu, ahu!!! (Spartan chanting from mindlessly violent movie with a numerical title that Amazons liked).



Maltatai: Congratulations! That must have been a most welcome find. Highly useful, with the + skills and piercing, as well as fire damage giving you a third element along with cold and physical damage which your mercenary happens to be wielding too. Hmm, wait a second, will you now also be able to fire exploding arrows?

Snövit: Yes! Aaahahahahaaa! I now embody all the bow-skill damage types! I am truly the ultimate archer and really the incarnation of Amazon skill and grace, probably a sign from Athulua and the others that I, Snövit, shall be the chosen herald and sole champion of my – our – people!

Maltatai: Are you going to sell shoes? Along with the news service?

Snövit: Shoes??? What the…SOLE as in THE ONLY/THE ONE not as in shoes or feet! And herald as in the pompous god-buddy way, not as an actual distributer and bringer of news! By Hefaetrus burning beard, how much dumber can you get? Now look at the difference in numbers and be amazed!

Maltatai: What am I supposed to be amazed by? That looks like what you might expect when switching to such a superior bow.

Snövit: Bah! You are just hopeless! No sense of proper respect or awe. After the epic battle with the fearsome and dangerous Hephasto I stepped up to the anvil of the hellforge and put down the soulstone on it. Funnily enough, I don’t remember bringing it to with me but it seemed to end up there anyway – not like the Horadric staff. But perhaps the Prime Evils are simply more technologically advanced? Although it was a pity to smash something so beautiful (=blue) I was rewarded with the supremely useful Lum rune.



Diablo’s minions in the sanctuary did not suffice to stand up to the holy freeze and freezing arrows. The lord of terror had obviously seen my new bow and impressive skills because he went green with envy. Then he felt the icy hand of death clawing at him and witnessed the mind-numbing portable ice age known as freezing arrow firsthand. Needless to say, he was frozen in terror.



Unable to cope with the setback in a sensible way, the unsportsmanlike devil resorted to foul cheating by evil forces. The scum TRAPPED me! The outrage! Scandalous!Although the bones are white and shining...Maybe I could get some to trap Rödluvan…

Rödluvan: I heard that!

Snövit: I am proud to announce that all my employees survived the battle! After I found chance guards, along with stylish but beautiful gothic plate armour and a very outdated bow, they can look forward to generous cash bonuses!



Maltatai: That’s a bit of a surprise. You have never really struck me as one to part willingly with you money unless forced to, and now you are handing out bonuses to minions who are magically bound to you. Very honourable, Snövit.

Snövit: What are you talking about? I will get generous cash bonuses from the monsters I shoot and my employees can look forward to the great feeling of seeing me get rich. Hand out bonuses to the employees! What a silly thought…

Maltatai: “facepalm”

Rödluvan: Something like that would never occur had I been able to had my way and unionize the minions of the world – under my executive leadership of course – to stand up against the foul capitalism of Aunt Scrooge over there!

Maltatai: No, then they would all be collective slaves in the single, state controlled producer on the non-existing market and bound to do your bidding despite wanting to decide for themselves.

Snövit: Exactly!

Malattai: …Whereas under your guidance everyone is free to do whatever they like, only deprived the economical means to do anything else than what you want. Well, over to Rödluvan. How was your trip through the burning hells?

Rödluvan: Why is it called the burning hells? This is hell, as simple as that.

Maltatai: Well, ah, it will become clear in time. Hrm.

Rödluvan: There certainly isn’t anywhere more hellish than here, at least. Fire resistant enemy after fire resistant enemy after fire immune enemy. “sigh” I had to amuse myself in every way possible just to get ahead. The new crowbill was fun, casting volcanoes from time to time. And I found the weirdest of axes, Spellsteel.



Maltatai: Wow, that ought to prove interesting! Let’s see…you can cast decrepify on fire immunes to make them easier to handle or very dangerous strong meleers to outrun them, teleport (very useful ability for bowazons, I happen to know from experience…) and holy bolt to…heal the valkyrie or even Telash? I’ve never heard of that being viable but one never knows.

Rödluvan: Now, hold up there! It was I who found it, not you! So don’t get overly enthusiastic. Besides, would I, Rödluvan, use a BLUE and WHITE curse like decrepify or spell like holy bolt? The thought!

Maltatai: “sigh” Why did I make you so fanatic…If Snövit uses fiery arrows as backup why can’t you use blue-white spells? Ah, lifetap is good too and lasts much longer so maybe that’s better. At least teleport is more neutral.

Rödluvan: Still a white and animation when cast.

Maltatai: Just keep telling your story, you brat.

Rödluvan: “baffled expression” The…How dare…HMPF!!! Izual, the obvious traitor – being blue – dropped a Nagelring. I wonder if you can construct Nagelfar if you gather enough Nagelrings?



Maltatai: Built from the fingernails of the dead…One would have to be careful with the skills then, because being made of bone it would probably be subject to the “unsummon” ability just like a common skeleton.


This post was edited by Maltatai on Dec 1 2016 04:06pm

Rödluvan: Later I stumbled upon heaps of ash, piles of dust, lost souls and Venom Ward. The latter might be useful if I ever decide to stay up late and drink with Alkor, Asheara, Hratli and Ormus again. I can’t believe how Telash could stand that stuff…I also found the Stormstrike Outdated Bow. Just like the capitalist Snövit. Is this some sort of ironic joke by the game?



Maltatai: At least it is a constant truth that the game showers you in items someone else would have great use for and items that are a complete mockery of your build.

Rödluvan: Fire is not completely useless but the general awesomeness of a maxed and synergised skill is lost. I guess this is what strafe is for but I certainly could use a faster weapon. Otherwise, open wounds and lightning damage make for a good complement to the somewhat lacking physical damage.

Maltatai: Lightning damage which has…which colour, I wonder?

Rödluvan: Whi…shut it! Don’t try to say anything about Hephasto – he was blue and evil and that’s it. And before you start blabbering about some utter nonsense like it being because of cold damage from me or something like that I’ll have you know that he sported an unholy HOLY FREEZE aura just like the traitorous moron of Snövit and the despicable Duriel. The legions of the damned, all of them! But I got a Pul rune from the equally evil (=blue) soulstone. Ha!



Snövit: If you actually used the contents of your presumably almost empty skull you would remember that Blood Raven the very corrupted rogue is shooting fire arrows and that both Andariel and Mephisto live among big pools of red blood, just like those caused by the open wounds effect! Not to mention Baal who is clearly more than maximising DECOY just like a certain little collective clot-head I have the displeasure of knowing.

Maltatai: Theoretically, if you combined your runes and a perfect emerald you could upgrade Kuko Shakaku to a very awesome elite item, or Langer Briser to a slightly less awesome elite item! But that is perhaps not very likely to happen, hehehe…

Rödluvan: Me?! With her?! Cooperation between state and private sector!?

Rödluvan and Snövit: I say!

Maltatai: I seem to recall a faint memory of a plan about you two being supposed to tell about your adventures ONE AT A TIME! Rödluvan, continue.

Rödluvan: Well, the river of flame offers excellent archery opportunities and my valkyrie and decoy sufficed to keep me rather safe. The Chaos Sanctuary is hideous. The few redeeming features it has are that no monster can raise the others and that you can retreat without much difficulty in most cases. The dumb knights are the hardest because they are harder to hit but the inferno from the venom lords is quite nasty to be caught in.

I had saved the seal of the Infector of Souls to the last. The others were handled without any notable setbacks but this one was in a dead end, the infamous trapping layout. I hoped that my valkyrie would be up to the task of tanking them so I could strafe the lot but the damned demons had fanaticism! Eugh! And it turned into a total failure. My valkyrie was falling apart, she is a peaceful soul after all…

Maltatai: Spare me…



Rödluvan: Hehe, just had to say that. “sigh” So I jumped back to get them, hoping that my valkyrie would do her job and engage them as soon as we exited the portal and that Telash would do his job and keep a little distance. He did not. Poor Telash was more or less stairtrapped, or rather portaltrapped, and burned to ash and slashed apart by the overgrown demon blades. I realised that this was the wrong way to approach and left again and ran from the waypoint instead from where we could draw out the scumbags a few(er) at the time. It was a quite embarrassing mistake, I must confess, not going to the waypoint at once as is the proper way to handle this situation.

Snövit: Something like that would never have happened had I been in charge.

Maltatai: ENOUGH! “enough…enough…enough” (echoes like when Baal says it in the intro to Act V). I will take your statement…into consideration. Meanwhile, mercenary deaths are NOT to be subject of smug sneering.

Snövit: Ehm, Maltatai? You haven’t picked up any strange yellow stones lately, have you?

Rödluvan: What was this shaking? It felt just like when Diablo appeared.

Maltatai: It is the sound of someone putting the proverbial foot down. Now, Rödluvan, did you melee Diablo this time also?

This post was edited by Maltatai on Dec 1 2016 04:05pm

Rödluvan: I actually did. And Telash had been resurrected but the big damned, flaming, clotted, moronic, mosquito-brained, tick-souled slime-head first cast his bone prison so Telash couldn’t move and then burned him apart with the lightning breath. It’s not damn fair!



I grabbed my trusty kris and screamed something at him about whether or not he remembered being stabbed by this last time, which didn’t work since he had his memory reset or is a new Diablo or whatever. But I’m still queen stabbity-stab, which the devilish internal organs can confirm! Then I had to get Telash back another time. Bloody Tyrael! How dare he demand money for resurrections!

Maltatai: Yes, Tyrael… How did he manage to slither his way out of Amazonian wrath over the fiasco with the worldstone?

Snövit: And over his cowardly way of taking flight immediately after meeting us in Tal Rashas Tomb! That angelic aardvark may fake ignorance but I’m dead sure I caught a glimpse of his sneaky eyes, I mean his sneaky emptiness under his hood!

Rödluvan: The faceless cur!

Maltatai: I guess you were not too pleased to see him – at least not in good health – now, then?

Rödluvan: No. As soon as we saw him we rushed at the enemy!



Maltatai: Is he an ex-angel now?

Rödluvan: Nah, we showed mercy…after a while…

Snövit: In return he promised to create some sort of shadow world of how it was before the worldstone incident, but very easy (1 player setting), where we could hunt for items. While I am obviously waaay overqualified for that the lesser populace found it interesting.

Rödluvan: Blablabla…I actually found Cleglaws Pincers - RED as they are they rightfully belong on my hands – by the help of a very nice little Durance map.



Maltatai: What is the rune writing?

Rödluvan: Some kind of advertisement. The capitalistic plague seems to spread everywhere nowadays.

Maltatai: Congratulations anyway, now you can both slow enemies by up to 75%. Then they will almost be as slow as the Swedish justice system…no, that’s an exaggeration, for that you would need at least twice the amount of slowing. If Snövit could borrow Spellsteel to decrepify a foe that was also affected by Waheed’s holy freeze one might get something of similar speed. But, as mentioned, something like that is not likely to happen. The next episode will…

Snövit: Yes, yes, can I go now?

Maltatai: Why the hurry?

Snövit: I must get back to Meshif! It’s been ages since our last date (it feels like that at least).

Rödluvan: But he told you to go to hell.

Snövit: He did NOT.

Rödluvan: Yes he did. I heard him.

Snövit: Only in the most technical sense. I told him about Diablo escaping to hell and having to go after him for a while. He was unhappy with the idea but very understanding and wished me good hunting and such.

Rödluvan: And so he told you to go to hell.

Snövit: That’s not the same!

Rödluvan: Yes it is. I’m not saying he said “go to hell" literally but he still told you to go to hell. You admit it yourself.

Snövit: I do not and he did not!

Rödluvan: Yes he did…

Maltatai: “clutches his ears” Over and out.