Episode 2. The Poor Horadric HostageMaltatai: We're back, with encouraging news for all imprisoned old men in the world! Their numbers have diminished lately, going from a total of 1 to 0 with the rescue of Deckard Cain. Apparently the tired old lady Akara suddenly learned that Cain was in danger and should be searched for. Why she hadn't come up with the idea earlier remains unknown.
Snövit: It is not unknown, it's all completely obvious. Rescuing him in sensible time would ruin the dramatic effect. For the same reason, the demons and undead of Tristram could not be allowed to behave normally and just slaughter and eat Cain instead of imprisoning him. But maybe he tastes bad and they put him in the cage to keep him away from the other food.
Maltatai: Right, but I wonder how this fits in with the fact that no matter how long you dawdle or how fast you hurry, Cain seems to be in the same state of health and boredom. Perhaps his metabolic functions and ageing has slowed down to nothing due to their paralysing boredom? How was the journey to Tristram?
Snövit: Excellent, because this time I started first. At level 13 I acquired the magical and magnificent free and endless magic arrows. What a feeling...endless arrow spamming. I found a great deal of blue little demons in a stony field that I most reluctantly shot down despite their beautiful colour. Sadly, I could not find any demon hide to make a blue suit of armour of. What a shame. I especially liked the boss Rakanishu, the one that all other carvers idolize to the point that they use his name as a battle cry.
To get to this strange tree I was apparently supposed to find I had to crawl through a murky tunnel. Luckily my arrows are shining and could be used to illuminate the path ahead. I had no real difficulties with anyone here and even took the time to loot the second level of the passage. Sometime I also managed to gamble a pair of boots that increased speed, but only to a minor extent. I've been doing a lot of running so my vitality has increased.
The tree in question was guarded by some large ape-like creatures that made me think of the man-bear-pig of South Park. Maybe they are related. The dark wood does not qualify for being a wood because it is just a plain open ground with some trees scattered on it. It should be called the dark park or something. But why complain (except to fill out the story) - it makes excellent archery ground. Luckily I had gotten the waypoint in this park-wood so I wouldn't have to crawl through the tunnel again.
Maltatai: At least not in this difficulty...
Snövit: What is that supposed to mean?
Maltatai: Ahh, nothing. Please continue.
Snövit: Right, so I had gotten the waypoint and travelled back to the Rogue camp. I must say i prefer this way of travelling. Why can't those waypoints be activated from the start? It would be much more convenient.
Maltatai: I think it is part of the Rogue energy-conservation policy, to reduce expenses. Waypoints are put offline until someone activates them.
Snövit: Aha. Then it is all in order. Akara interpreted the scroll to be a list of which of the Cairn Stones should be touched first in order to open a secret portal to Tristram. I’m sure it is very secret and not at all attracting attention, hidden as it is in the middle of a stone monument in an otherwise empty plain. When I was about to go back I noticed to my embarrassment that I had forgotten to activate the Stony Field waypoint so I had to go back from the Cold Plains.
Rödluvan: What a nOOb! Loser! Ahahahahaha!
Snövit: I could do without maniacal laughter from you in the future. The town of Tristram wasn't much of a talking point except for the annoying blacksmith. He kept approaching me trying to sell the outdated items from Diablo I!
Maltatai: You don't think he was trying to attack you?
Snövit: Nah, why would he move so slowly in that case? Even zombies are faster than that. He must have been trying to sell me something. I offered him payment in the form of my finest magic arrows (I have after all complete control of that market) and after many barrages of bartering Griswold was so overwhelmed with my generosity that he fainted and dropped some useless loot.
Maltatai: You mean you shot him until he fell to the ground, destroyed, a process that would be called dying had he not been undead?
Snövit: Whatever. I didn't stop to check. Cain was easily let out of his cage. It's a miracle he couldn't do that on his own. I mean, he can even conjure up town portals out of nothing. How he was unable to escape by himself beats me. Akara gave me a ring and Cain offered me a lifetime discount should I hire his identification firm at any time in the near future. After my heroic escapades I have reached level 15 and have a point in Inner Sight and Slow Missiles. The latter of them should prove useful in the future. Blaise has reached level 13.
Maltatai: I hear you also found some old book.
Snövit. Yes. It is some sort of fairy tale about a countess that is buried alive. Apparently it's supposed to make everyone eager to travel to a ruined tower somewhere. Such stupid fan behaviour. I'm sure it's just a scheme from a Black Marsh tourism department to attract more travellers. Personally I would recommend them to start with changing the name to something more welcoming, like the Sunny Marshes or something.
Maltatai. There may be runes there...
Snövit: RUNES?! WHERE?! WHERE?! WHERE?!
Maltatai: Patience is a virtue, at least until next chapter. Now let's hear the story of Rödluvan.
Rödluvan: Not a line too early, I say! I, the competent one, did of course not forget any stony waypoint.
Snövit: Yeah, just gloat about it, you moron.
Rödluvan: The journey through the tunnels and the Dark Wood was much quicker for me since my fine explosive arrows seem to carry the fire damage from the rubies in m bow. I can't wait to get my hands on some Ral runes... However it also costs more mana. My travels are a bit like first class ones - expensive but faster and better - while the greedy and miserly Snövit won't spare a penny to afford more than her silly magic arrows. I was happy to dispose of the ugly blue carvers who I suspect are evil telephone salesmen in disguise or some other capitalist scum.
With 30:ish mana I can afford six flaming arrows until I have to drink so they must be used sparingly. I tried to herd enemies together as much as possible but they like to spread out.
They probably do that just to annoy me. I have found a few nice topazes but, alas, they don't suit my theme. But maybe my mercenary can use them in the future.
Having to use normal attack most of the time has been rather embarrassing with that hag looking over my artificial shoulder for opportunities to taunt me. She would qualify as a barbarian the way she behaves!
Maltatai: But you haven't exactly been the incarnation of politeness either.
Rödluvan: Petty details, petty details. The important thing is that the poor Cain was rescued from his sorry state of solitude, locked away from the community and kept out of society. What horrible fate!
Snövit: Not at all. The appalling thing with Cains imprisonment is the oppression of his individual freedom. To restrict ones unhindered movement like that – terrible! Surely the loss of freedom was the worst to bear!
Rödluvan: Unthinkable! It must have been to be cut off from the rest of our community.
Maltatai: You don't think it could have been both? Anyway, if this is so important to you, why don't you just ask Mr. Deckard Cain about the matter?
Rödluvan: What do you mean? That would be like...like...like listening to what the people actually want. Totally out of the question!
Snövit: Or like producing good quality products that your customers would actually require. Completely unthinkable!
Maltatai: Here we go again... I can't stand them sometimes. Over and out.
This post was edited by Maltatai on Nov 9 2016 03:49pm