ok I got some.
Boy with Speach Impediment:

So this little boy named Bobby had somewhat of a speach impediment.
Bobby Felt like he was old enough and could speak well enough to finaly run arrands for his mother.
So she gave him a list of things to do.
They were: Walk the dog , and buy a bucket for mopping the floors.
Bobbys mother gave him $3 and told him to go. Well, Bobby took the dog and walked down the road.

When he got to the WalMart he searched for a while; and when he couldnt find the buckets he asked "Excuse me miss, where can i buy a Fuckit?" , "WOA! you mean a bucket? there in isle 4". Bobby purchased the bucket and walked out the door.

On his way home he had 1$ left so he stopped at the candy store. He wanted something to chew on so he asked the man "Can i please have a pack of BUM?" the man relplied "Are you talking about gum? i have all types of flavors, oh and get your cocker-spaniel out of the store". Bobby walked his dog out and then returned to the store and bought a big pack of gum.

Finaly bobby was ready to return home. While he was walking down the road, his cocker-spaniel Saw a cat and the dog ran away as fast as he could.
Bobbys hands were too full to run after him so he walked up to an old lady and said
"Excuse me miss, can you hold my bum and fuckit while i get my cock and spankit



Deaph-mute trying to buy condoms:
One day, a man who couldnt hear or speak was going out to buy condoms, for him and his deaph wife were going to have sex for the first time.
This man was new so he didn't know where to find condoms, so he went to the sleezy quick-n-go on the corner.
When he got there he looked for ever but couldnt find condoms. He finaly went up the counter and tried despratly to sign to the cashier.
But...he couldnt get out "condoms" through signing.
So finally out of frusteration HE whipped out his dick and put it on the counter with a $5 bill next to it.
The cashier looked at the man for a minute, then took a moment to think. a Few seconds passed and the man Whipped out his own dick put it on the table, then grabbed the $5 bucks and put it in his pocket.
The Deaph-mute WAS furious at this. he started banging his hands on the counter and signing at the cashier like crazy.
The cashier yelled back
"HEy man! If your going to bet, make sure you can win"


Three in an elevator:
A very tall blond and a very tall brunette are in an elevator.
They are going up when the door opens and a very short but attractive man walks in.
HE sais hello to the women, then turns to press his button.
The two women notice he has dandruff all over his head.
When the man gets out the brunette sais to the blond "He was cute but He needs Head&shoulders."
Then the blond replies "Yeah he does. But how do you give shoulders?"


pm me if i win. I'll add more if u thought these were funny



This post was edited by StefanSKE on Dec 22 2006 11:27pm

wanna hear a joke?
womens rights.


how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.

How did Hellen Kellers parents punish her?
-Left the plunger in the toilet
or
-Moved the furnature

WHy cant Hellen Keller drive?
-Becuase she's a woman


Men in a car (its an asian joke, but i still love asians)
Three men were in a car. A Black guy, a White guy, and an Asian guy.
It was late at night and the three were a little tipsy, but they were ok to drive home.
So the three men hopped in the white guys car and drove off.
On there way home a cop pulled them over for speeding.
he said "Listen up boys, My shift ends in 5 minutes, and i dont want to do more paperwork becuase yall were speeding. So, if all three of your penis's add up to 21 Inches, Your free to go"

So the white dude pulls out his penis and they measure it, 9 inches.
The black guy pulls his dick out and its 11 inches.
"Thats 20 inches so far boys, 1 more to go"
So the asian guy pulls out his and its 1 inch.
"ok, drive off, be safe, dont speed" said the cop

On there way home, the white guy sais "yer lucky mine was 9 inches."
the black guy sais "yer lucky mine was 11!!"
and the asian guy sais "yer lucky i had a boner"






This post was edited by StefanSKE on Dec 22 2006 11:55pm

these are gold keep it up

he he some of these were good, keep it up guys

There once was a farmers daughter who had three men that wanted her hand in marriage, an italian, a mexican, and a hick. The three men came to see her father to ask to marry his daughter, and he thought about it and decided the only fair way to settle this was to make an obstical course and the winner could marry his daughter. so he told the three men, "the first person to jump over that barb wire fence, swim through the swamp, run up the hill and make love to my prize dairy cow, and make it back to me gets to marry my daughter" so the three men start running, the italian gets caught in the fence, the mexican gets stuck in the swamp, and the hick jumps the fence, swims though the swamp, runs up the hill, makes love to the cow and makes it back in no time at all. the farmer says "wow boy, that sure was impressesive, and you are the winner, congradulations you get to marry my daughter" the hick responds "the hell with your daughter, wat do you want for that dairy cow!?"

here is another, I sure hope i win

One day a boy is with his grandpa and his grandpa is drinking an ice cold beer and the boy asks
"that looks good grandpa, can i have some?"
and the grandpa replies
"can your dick touch your asshole?"
"No"
"when it can you can have some beer"

so later the granpa lights up a cigar and puffs it and the boy says
"that looks good grandpa, can i try?'
"can you touch your dick to your asshole?"
"No"
"then you cant try it"

shortly after the boy leaves and comes back with some freshly baked warm cookies and starts to eat them when the grandpa asks
"those look good, can i have one?"
the boy says
"can you touch your dick to your asshole?"
"yes"
"well then, go fuck yourself, cause grandma made these for me"

if it can be a video look at this make sure u watch with sound http://www.princeton.edu/~ccaro/mist_or_ghost.html

lol i thought of this one day when i was going snowboarding

why does michael jackson love the snow so much!??!?!?










because he can sneak up on kids easier.. LOL

so 3 vampires walk into a bar
the first says get me a cup of blood or i will drink urs. so the bartender walks in back and kills the cook and gives the vampire his cup of blood

the second walks up and says get me a cup of blood or i will drink urs. so the bartender walks in back and kills the waitress and gives the vampire his cup of blood

the third walks up and the bartender says i no u want a cup of blood the vampire says no i want a glass of hot water. the bartendersay but i though vampires drink blood. the vampire says w e do (s he pulls out a bloody tampon) and says i need the water to make tea. lol

jewish joke
wuts the difference between a jew and a pizza?
pizzas don't scream when u put them in the oven

a guy walks into a bar and orders 6 bear the bartendor says wuts the occasion. he says i was walkin the street and i just got my first blow job. and the bartendor says well in that case make the 7th on me . he says no if six doesn't knock the taste outa my mouth nothin will