ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
> >
> > Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
> >
> > Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
> > purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
> > submitted this:
> >
> > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
> > Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our
> > 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something
> > extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
> > 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the
> > tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
> > adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time
> > to retreat to safety....??
> >
> > WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
> > brought it home.
> > I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
> > button.
> > Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
> > pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at
> > the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity
> > darting back and forth between the prongs.
> >
> > AWESOME!!!
> >
> > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
> > burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
> >
> > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
> > myself that it wouldn't be all that bad with only two
> > triple-A batteries, right?
> >
> > There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
> > intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
> > directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
> > thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit
> > I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
> > and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I
> > was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
> > against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would
> > work as advertised. Am I wrong?
> >
> > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
> > reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
> > directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions
> > said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
> > assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
> > spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
> > three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant
> > flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst
> > longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
> > All the while I'm looking at this little device
> > measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference;
> pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries)
> thinking
> > to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost
> beyond
> > description, but I'll do my best.. .?
> >
> > I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
> > head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it
> > dipstick,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a
> > tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
> > decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of
> > it.. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the
> > button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. . WEAPONS OF MASS
> > DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
> >
> > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
> > door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both
> on
> > the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely
> > recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with
> > tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
> > testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
> > my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The
> > cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
> > clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
> > fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed
> > by my body flopping all over the living room.
> >
> > Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
> > with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a
> one
> > second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of
> that
> thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about
> on
> the
> > floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
> >
> > IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
> >
> > A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
> > relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what
> > little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My
> > bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
> > The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
> > where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both
> > nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been
> > shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 8 lbs. I
> > had no control over the drooling.
> >
> > Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for
> > sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke
> > cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
> > I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a
> > significant reward for their safe return!
> >
> > P. S. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience,
> > loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
> >
> > If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
>
>