It's two minutes in. We've collected the rune from the already disgruntled juggernaut in the top lane. He hopes he will regain his lost bounty, with the warmth of a fresh creep wave and a pushed lane. Think again, juggernaut. First blood rings across the screen as the juggernaut explodes, his mask tossed asunder as my mines have their righteous way with him. I've already collected what gold he's mustered, I am growing more and more powerful.
I reach level three as he reaches lane. He's already frustrated, my lane mate goes to fountain, I'm weak, a vulnerable little techies left to be mercilessly ravaged by juggernaut's superior strength and right click abilities. Once again juggernaut, your actions betray you. I've planted yet another mine stack, my swiftness and discipline paying off. He's been left with 20 health, a calculated maneuver as I perform the rigorous math theorems to measure each stack's damage after reductions. Death crawls upon him and gives chase, with the sound of the techies attack animation. He is running as the burning projectile flies through the air, streaming for his blood in the cold air. As it collides, I've collected my prize and I type into the chat, a single solitary question mark.
He's angry - He thinks he can still win the lane. Nay, poor juggernaut. I have won the lane. I have won the game. He finally reaches his level six, and his teammates are furious. If he loses against me again, he will certainly be flamed. His arms quake as he readies his ult. Juggernaut, you've activated my trap card. As you attack me with your ult, I dash with the added speed of my wind lace, soon to be turned into a euls with this time's feed, into a mine pile. He knows it's the end of his pathetic life, and he is destroyed instantly. I already hear the gnashing of his team's teeth. I've thrown him to the wolves of his own pack.
Axe comes to gank. They coordinate an attack on me, those poor souls. Axe calls me, catching me still with only half of my health. He thinks me a fool, but little does he know that I've activated my greatest ability, I have just enough mana for do my power as I detonate my mines. Axe is obliterated by my swift talons of justice, and juggernaut is once again left with 100 health. I use my euls. As he turns through the air, feeling the breeze on his skin as the cinder of his teammates brings a sting to it, the techies loom below him, a shark in the water. I explode in holy fire as I cleanse this lane from this cabal of unworthy ones.
First objective? Successful, as every rat attempt by the pathetic juggernaut is met with swift fiery justice, my boots enabling rapid speed across the map to mine my towers. You think you've got our t2? I draw it out. With every attack you bring the tower closer to demise. You think they're there, you for a fleeting moment of clarity among the ashes that you'll be spared my obliteration, but you're wrong. I take your tower from you, I steal it as swiftly as the owl severs the spine of a baby bird.
Second objective? As we take the throne, among the ruins of what may have been the enemy team's friendship, flaming erupts. Blaming, reporting, hating. Before I leave, I type a single sentence. "Ez". As I leave from the immolation of the enemy team's unholy rage, I smirk. Objective two accomplished. My techies winrate ascends to 79.6. I've failed. I must train harder.