this is what i thought after reading ur first sentence. the first sentence kinda bored me already. i'm not attacking u or the essay, just that i'm agreeing with the teacher soley on ur first sentence.
heres what i would have done

i would have said something about how language first appeared as a way of communcating emotions, then it was turned into music. something like this, to bring out and lead to ur main topic of music

edit:

also this seems to be ur thesis statement: Contrary to popular belief, heavy metal and its subgenres do not have a negative impact on its listeners.

all ur body paragraphs are supposed to answer this question, the question of how heavy metal does not negatively affect the listener. however, some of ur body paragraphs don't answer ur thesis statement

This post was edited by iffy1 on Apr 6 2011 06:25pm

yeah i know, AILD, ABR, etc
a lot of good metal bands i like happen to be christian, but the point i was trying to get at was that there were people misconceiving it as a negative influence, using that church that banned LoG as an example



are you my TA?
are you carolyn? fucking bitch cunt come to my apartment and up this grade plz



actually music came before intelligible language
technically, music existed before humans
was gonna do that, and use something like rhythmic rain drops or something really gay and cheesier than the smegma on my dick, but i had 4 hours and wasted too many minutes on an opening sentence


still, worth only a C?

This post was edited by dude150 on Apr 6 2011 07:08pm

kind of obvious you overrate your first draft writing skills

i dont, lol.

just did a 3000 word paper first draft, pretty GFG

my first draft writing skills suck, but i think my school is heavy into grade inflation

some of the writing assignments I turn in are pure shit, but i've never gotten less than a B

yep 2 games today leaver in team, can say hon is the most annoying game i ever played and yet i cant quit it

my first draft writing sucks fucking dicks
why did i take all these shitty fucking electives as a comp sci student when i could have taken full math course load that would have been less stressful and way higher marks? CUZ RETARD
CUZ LAZY
CUZ FEEDER
CUZ BAD
CUZ UNINSTALLING HON AND SC2 CUZ NOOB FAGGOT FUCK MY LIFE



yeah i know what you mean bro
that's the one thing i hate about hon
as fun as it is when you have some GGs, most of the time it's spent being annoyed
that's why i like sc2 and fighting games and shit
nobody to blame but self if you lose

This post was edited by dude150 on Apr 6 2011 08:58pm

Whenever I head back home for a few weeks, if I open up hon my brother just starts playing his guitar so he doesn't have to hear me bitching. He always asks "why do you play that game if it annoys you so badly" Honestly don't have an answer.



I turned in 7 papers throughout the year, like 2 years ago, about golf balls and how to steal/sell them after fishing them out of ponds at courses and got 100%s on all of them, teachers are just fucking stupid.

tru, shud move on to casual single player games, i havent played sc2 in 2 months now and prolly wont anytime soon

but online games r too stresful, in sc2 u always gotta think and macro/micro, hon can be like that too getting last hits always etc

u can combine them both and pick ws or ophelia

micro micro last hit last hit