Well it’s been a long road for this one, I am an alcoholic and without god in my life I am purely hopeless. 79 days ago i tried yet again to begin a journey of sobriety, went to a lot of aa meetings etc... was doing this because yet again my wife was pissed off at me and my life was falling into ruins, 43 days of not drinking later I confronted my wife about drinking in the house while i was trying to stay clean, mind you the whole time beforehand i was telling her it’s okay to drink it’s my problem not hers etc while really it was eating me alive still having her drink around me, so I confronted her and said i just don’t know if it’s ever going to work between us because she wants me to stop drinking and won’t do it herself. She got angry with me and poured out her bottle of wine and did not speak to me for 3 days and said she’d never drink around me again, but she didn’t speak to me for 3 days and it drove me right back into a bottle, i was drunk for 3 days and acquired my 2nd dui. I have now been sober again for 30 days as of tomorrow, going to aa multiple times per day, talking to my sponsor daily, doing the things I should do to keep sober and try to be happy, a couple days ago my wife and all my kids left for a family vacation in Florida, we are in Michigan, I couldn’t go because I work in an assembly plant for Chrysler and don’t have the time off for another few weeks at which point i have 2 full weeks off and will be doing basically absolutely nothing, what makes it worse is that i know she is down there with her family and they are a bunch of alcoholics too, she will be drunk most of the time and even while shes hundreds upon hundreds of miles away it bothers the hell out of me.... I can’t explain it but shes supposed to be my other half... when half of me is doing something the other half wants the same.... id like to be on vacation, id like to be drunk and having fun with the whole family.... it’s extremely hard knowing i have these issues and am trying to do something about it for real this time and still it’s not seen to any clear point where she will just do this with me... am i doomed to just live a miserable existence if i want to stay in my wife and childrens lives? I am so depressed that I’m ready to go to an aa meeting tomorrow where i should be celebrating my first real 30 days of sobriety in my life and when they ask how i did it saying I didn’t do it, if it were up to me id be drunk right now, god did this for me, now will someone just shoot me in the head and end this misery please? Things still haven’t really improved much between her and I and I know these things take time but I lack in the patience area, its been around 6 months without sex, and life is really eating me alive.


I need prayer, Advice, Guidance, Something.... I am at work tonight and cannot even sit here and do my job without just constantly breaking down into tears, I miss my family and this is a hard time in my life for them to not be here by my side, I am all alone and I am trying to fill the void with work and aa etc but its just not helping... I hardly care if I wake up tomorrow.

This post was edited by Bassist on Jun 24 2018 01:17am

Please don't think about suicide, this is very resolvable issue even if it may not seem like one right now. Just hang in there your family will be back soon take it one day at a time

The first thing you need to know is that you’re not alone in you’re problems. And I’m sure you have heard that being said to you before. It’s true though you aren’t alone. You are loved and you tear yourself down to much. Everyone has a burden that they must carry. In times like these focus on what matters. Think of little things that brighten your day. Your family and your faith. Surround yourself with positive upbeat things. I like to listen to jason stephenson on YouTube. He has relaxation meditations on there that will calm your mind. I stress out a lot and it’s really hard to control and like you I work in a production facility that I hardly ever get a break from. So look him up and if you get bored with him just pray. Life’s too short for you to not enjoy it and remember you’re not alone. You are stronger than you think.
Feel free to message me anytime.

This post was edited by 2Legit2Quit)aS( on Jun 24 2018 02:41am

Thank you for the replies, Let me be clear I was not at any point suicidal, just didn’t care. It was a bout of depression idk I think Im bipolar or something, sometimes being inside me is like being in an elevator with no control buttons, and there are around 5 levels, ground floor - level, able to be normal and just deal with the day and just feel level, going up - feeling really good about most things in life and living well having fun, top floor - extremely happy nothing can bring me down having a great time almost no matter what happens, going down - things bother me easily but i can still deal with life and the bullshit in it can still handle the normal things and all just not happy about well, anything, basement - so effing depressed that i have a hard time dragging my ass out of bed to even deal with life, the littlest things seem impossible and unmanageable and my attitude is for shit about even positive things let alone bad ones.

Happy to say that today is a ground floor day, when i wrote the original post i was definitely in the basement, hell maybe even the wine cellar below that.

I absolutely do appreciate the positive thinking posts and I believe I will be able to work through this issue effectively, I realize that I have put myself in a position where I will have to be completely abstinent from all drugs and alcohol for quite some time, if not forever. My wife has avoided the negative consequences that are associated with her problem so she is not in that position and does not have to do that. She will still have to do that at home for me but she says she will so that’s just fine. I have learned a lot about myself doing the step work involved in aa when you really so it. To be honest I think I have more of a relationship problem and that alcohol was just one of the symptoms. I am gonna work hard on myself and my relationships with my wife and family and sometime in the distant future when that stuff is either fixed or resolved I can revisit weather or not I can ever drink or smoke weed or anything like that again.

I i rebuke depression and sadness off of your life in Jesus name No weapon formed against you shall prosper! I pray that the Lord will saturate you in his love you can over come any thing if you let God take control and pray that God will restore good thinking and relationships

This post was edited by MiniPanda on Jul 19 2018 08:25am

I understand how you feel sir.
I doubt I can comfort you or help you going through this, but let me tell you this.
I myself suffer from depression, existance crisis, social anxiety, chronic fatigue and frustration, even though I am only eighteen which is a quite young age.
Perhaps I am too young to know what life is, don't know if that is normal or anything, I haven't told anybody this before in hope it will make me feel better and remove weight from my shoulders.
Recently my faith has being shattered
I keep eating and eating to fill the hole in my heart, it is my way to tell people that I am not alright but since I don't gain any weights nobody can see it and thinks that I only have a big appetite or something.

Anyway, you are not alone sir
And I hope you can find something that will help you going through depression, because this isn't something to take lightly.

May God bless you.