I want to start this post by saying, if you're caught in a tough time or struggling and not sure what to believe in anymore, please take the time and read my little summary of my life and how Jesus had it planned out for me and I am only 18.
I grew up as and only child in a Christian family, mother being a Baptist and father Catholic, went to church Sunday's and Wednesday's, I knew God and he knew me when I was little and I enjoyed my life. When I started growing up my life started to change, I felt more alone ( I was the singled out kid in school ) my dad became abusive slowly but surely he had temper problems because of my mothers spending habits, for example new pair of 120$ shoes a week and a new purse every 2-3 days that she would never even use and kept getting new vehicles without my dad knowing until she came home late with one, through all the struggle it started putting my family in debt and my dads temper kept getting worse and worse and eventually he lost his job and my mother was too lazy to stay at a job for longer then 5 months so its became rough and we quit going to church and our family as a whole slowly forgot about our Faith including me being the middle man growing up. My parents eventually split up ( a lot happened and I'll just say it was a very gruesome divorce and if it was up to me no child would ever have to go through what me and my brother had to, I just thank God he was not yet old enough to understand it all. ( yes I had a brother but he was around 1-2 and our life did not become hell until he was about age 4. All in all I gave up my trust in a God and tarnished his name and claimed his existence was fake and argued anyone who through his name at me to the bone for I became a very hateful and uncontrollable for a long time. Through out my teenage life nothing but bad things broke me down and beat me into nothing and my hate still continued for a God, it was like that for a long time and it started to harden my feelings making me stronger as a person to pain. I knew what pain was my entire life and looked at it as I would look at clouds. Throughout many relations I had a huge heart and was always getting hurt and through my heartache my relationships where the only thing keeping me alive so all my heart was in them and I got crushed every-time by lying cheating harlots. It started to make me stronger and I no longer had a weak heart but instead it smartened me and made me even stronger, I've always had a huge heart and I've always been taken advantage of, I received my grandfathers heart, very gentle and warming and family base, he was a great man. On December 25th ( Christmas day ) 2011, I got T-boned sitting in a drive way by a drunk guy on Christmas going about 65 mph, the end result was my head going through my side windshield right on my temple I had about 5 pieces of huge glass, I didn't notice it because of my adrenaline, but as I was laying there on the side of the road after I made sure my brother way okay my eye sight went black and i started to vomit and I thought in my head "well this is the end what a great life I had.." I couldn't see and began to lose my hearing as-well and I blacked out for a few seconds and woke back up and the first thing I did was look up and I could see and I looked at my pepa and he was smiling at me and he looked away. I was rushed to the hospital in and ambulance and well had the glass taken out of my head and stitches, everyone who seen my truck did not understand how I survived as my side of the truck was smashed in until about a quarter into the steering wheel. I walked away from that claiming that the truck saved me. I could and should have died that day I have no doubt in my mind today that it was not the truck who saved but it was God letting me know he is here and he is watching. Back to the story though I lived another 2 years in disbelief until I met this girl who is a Christian and shared with me her story of what she went through and how she turned her back on God but he revealed himself to her. ( her life growing up was probably 10x worse then mine her dad didn't want anything to do with her as a child and growing up he was not in the picture and her mom was a druggy and did a lot of assaults on people with armed robbery and stuff and now her mother is in jail and will probably not be leaving for a while...It was not until I met her that I took a second look at God and realized all the struggles in my life and things that should have broke me made me stronger, I knew it was God who had his hand on me the whole time, it was an instant warmth feeling in my heart and soul and something told me in my mind as a flashback from around 8 years ago where my old Bible was and I found it and have been reading it since and praying every night thanking him for everything he has done and ask for forgiveness every night and lots of other things its different every night my prayers are typically 5-10 minutes because I ramble to him, I don't know, I can just feel him listening and laughing at me rambling and we have this thing every time EVERY time I yawn in my prayer and I always say "and that was my nightly yawn in my prayer" ( I work so much and can't ever make it to church but my faith and love is there ) for those who are struggling, just keep holding on God has a plan for you. Sometimes you must struggle and be broken down before you can be built back up.
Now my life is turning around and everything is coming together.
( I had to leave some stuff out otherwise you'd be reading for probably 2-3 hours if I really went into detail )
God bless you all and thank you for reading.