From my upbringing i was raised as a christian, i went to church i did all the teen programs but i have always felt ignored, I'm going to be honest i have stopped believing.
When i was younger all of the kids and my family would be "spoken to or touched by god or felt his presence" But i never once was. So i stopped going to church with my family after i turned about 14 or so.
I would still pray at night and ask god questions without answer(of course) so eventually i just dropped it all.
When i turned about 16, it got really rough i started questioning everything and second guessing anything about churches and basically anything christian related due to just being a teenager i guess.
So i tried one last time i went to church a couple more times i asked pastors to pray and put their hand on me and what not. I really asked for a sign or anything just to know i had someone.
I still didn't have an answer i never was spoken to or anything so i just dropped everything involving religion and i doubt it still.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
I'm at a point in my life where i feel its over like i have nothing, i don't have a job i don't have an education i barely have a roof over my head and i can't decide if all these things are my punishment or it's just proof that i don't have someone watching over me.
I feel every day that it's just getting darker and darker and i really don't know why i'm even posting this i guess its because i have no one to talk with even off of the computer.

Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. As a Christian we will go through struggles, and trials, but it will make us stronger in the Lord. Read the book of Job. See what he had to go through yet he never cursed God, but still gave him thanks even though his life had turned upside down.

...try to connect with a small Bible based church and lean on the members for friendship and emotional support .

I was where you were at, at one time.
I compiled all the negative things in my life, used that as 'proof' that god didn't exist. It took begging for forgiveness for days before I could even feel a touch of warmth, that would keep me motivated to keep pursueing. You have to pray for others, be selfless, then a slight positive feeling will start. So long as you strive to help others, he will help you.

So this is the case of feeling that God is at his most distant or abandoned you altogether? There once was a time where an entire nation felt that way.

Abraham was promised that he would have a nation and a promised land blessed through him. That nation became known as the Israelites. What happened after that? The Israelites became slaves to the Egyptians for over 600 years. During that time, the promise to Abraham made by God was all but long gone and lost.

After the Israelites cried for help, God heard them and then remembered his promise. We all know what happens next.

The point I'm making here is that you are not alone in this ordeal, an entire nation felt that way once. What you do with this information is up to you.

Edit:
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Nevermind, lol...

This post was edited by rsbattle1 on Oct 13 2013 01:23pm