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d2jsp Forums > Off-Topic > General Chat > Christian Fellowship > I Was So Tired Of Pretending Like I Cared For Him
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Aug 30 2013 11:31pm
that when my father passed away 10 years ago, i had gone to his house and he was out of breath and i joked he was on his way out... and he was i wasnt really joking with him when i said that. i loved him all my life, but he took drugs that he thought would make him better or make him enjoy life more and it didnt work. he was short of breath and i gave him a hard time about it. then he passed away the next weekend. i told him i loved him, as we always do. i did love him, just didnt think it was his time. and it was. i had no control over it but i have 20+ years pent up not caring about this man who cared about himself and he divorced my mom for another woman and got remarried... he called me on the cell phone more times than normal, like annoying how often he called. and i would come and sit at his house and listen to him tell me the ssame stories over and over again ones i had heard 2 or 3 times before... that week. soon i just wanted to be distant. and i got that in a sense.

*massive pulmonary embalism. april 16, 2008. or april 18, 2006 i forget.

This post was edited by Superfly_B on Aug 30 2013 11:33pm
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Aug 30 2013 11:48pm
You must find out and resolve, why you can not forgive yourself for this.
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Sep 29 2013 07:14pm
In a weird way, they are "normal" human feelings, time will help heal, praying will too.
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Oct 4 2013 11:36pm
Relax. It's ok now. Once he passed on, he gets to see everything in the life he lived from the perspective of everyone he ever had interactions with. All of this will be without emotional pain.
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