My Grandma, the only one I've ever really known, and who was like a mother to me so often when my own mother wasn't there for me, just passed away (of natural causes) a week ago.
She's one of two people ever really close to me that has passed away... the first person passed away only 2.5 years ago, and I just came to terms with it this past June.
I believe in God, but I've always had issues grasping this whole death thing, and the passing of the body but the continued existence of the spirit.
It just doesn't feel like it's possible for her to be gone, someone I've known all 25 years of my life. I feel like I'm in a constant dream state, and I'm just waiting to wake up.
I'm not quite sure how to cope with it. I'm staying at her house to watch it, to make sure people don't try to break in and because it's the only place to sleep while helping out my family with stuff...
But it still smells like her, all her stuff is still there, and it feels like I'm just watching the house, waiting for her to walk in the door and everything will be back to normal.
But somehow I fear that when I leave her house tomorrow to go back home, things will suddenly hit me. That the next time I visit, her house won't be there (they're trying to sell the house).
I won't be able to visit my immediate family without her there now, because they don't have a bed for me to sleep in at their house.
I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to think or feel, or how I'm supposed to go on with my life like everything will be ok, when she was the reason I did so much for my family, and she was my favorite out of everyone, and so many things I do are because she loved them too (like star-gazing and outdoors stuff and her faith and how to treat others).
Somehow I feel like me not finding work for this past year was God's plan for me to spend time with her since I hadn't been around for 6 years because of school, except for Christmas... and even at that, I wasn't here this past Christmas due to a fight with my mom... and I'm not sure there will even be a Christmas this year without her around. She was the glue that held our family together and kept everyone still talking to each other.
Every time I try to pray about it I just start crying, until I end up falling asleep.
So perhaps someone has advice about how to go about dealing with this sort of thing, and not spend my days being depressed. Prayers are also greatly appreciated.