You really need an outlook change. Stop worrying about what you or the world views as a "'true' christian life" and do what feels right to you. There are many ways to be a productive and beneficial member of society without trying to imitate the people you meet at your church.

look at it like this: would God rather have you be a beneficial member of society who tries to help others sometimes and feels fulfilled or a miserable person trying to help others in a fashion that you know you simply aren't cut out for.

One thing is that you are succumbing to desires of a material world (from when you say how you were filling an emotional gap of satisfaction and fulfillment through sports, video games, and other entertainments to occupy the mind).

Also the true satisfaction of helping people doesn't come from a desire base, but from an instinctive/natural and selflessness one. Naturally doing things to help others without expecting anything in return will create a satisfaction in your spirit and life that you may not even be aware about until further down the road.

Furthermore, we do live in a dark time right now. Some spiritualists and religious figures will even label this as a Dark Age. In that sense, don't forget the basic morals of emotion. Putting negative emotion of unworthiness towards those in this world who make mistakes and bad decisions such as succumbing to major sins only contributes to the current problem. Instead, feel sorrow and compassion for them. We are all the same in this world. Nobody is better than the other. The preacher is no better than the murderer.

You control your mind and as such control your emotions. The power to create satisfaction, peace, and filling gaps of emptiness is and has always been inside of you...it is a part of your free will, which was a gift given by God. Keep reminding yourself that when you have these doubts and negative feelings

This post was edited by proph21 on Jan 24 2012 07:28am

Amen brother! Definitely true about the secret of happiness being giving joyfully without expecting a return.

The giving itself is the reward!

God bless you my brothers and sisters (the remnant)