Quote (Handcuffs @ Jan 27 2015 03:24pm)
I'm not sure what you think I'm missing.
The part about him knowing intellectually that it's not true? Or attributing it to a Catholic upbringing and the associations with guilt and shame?
In either case, I was just looking for more detail about what goes through his mind in the moments of feeling like the bouts of depression are from God. About what that experience feels like, or sounds like in terms of internal dialogue.
I can't really expand on the thought itself. Here's how the madness usually comes along:
1. Depressive state kicks in. Immediately the mind begins to try to find a solution, a way to distinguish the pain.
2. Pain remains. More depressive(and frustrating) thoughts flood the mind, and considering God is often on my mind, the thoughts eventually flow that way. Why do I have to experience this? What did I do to bring this on? If I were a better person, could I avoid this? Just a blend of irrational, self-critical thoughts.
Depression isn't so much about the thoughts, but the feeling. Take the deepest feeling of love/comfort you've ever felt... and imagine the complete opposite.
Good times.
/blog