I know most of you dont care but i dont have anywhere else to go...
Last night, my girlfriend and I arrived at her apartment after going to the movies, and she instantly began acting a bit distant. I then asked her if everything was ok, which she responded that she thought I should take my belongings out of her apartment, as she thought we were moving to fast (just moved in). She then packed my bags last night, and said she wanted me to pick them up at around nine am.
Though, during this entire ordeal, I kept thinking that if she dumped my that I would be high as a kite by then, as I wouldn't be able to emotionally deal with it without the aid of drugs. I then left, and went home, already missing the earth we lived in before, I missed my girlfriend. I was so lonely out in space, or so what looked like an empty space devoid of anything, driving those dark cold streets home. It honestly felt like a timeless flight home.
And I now think it's going to be a long long time before I talk to her again; till I can touch down and bring myself around to find that I'm not the man she thought I was, or wanted me to be -no, oh no, I'm not as I found out. No, I do not clean up after myself sometimes. No, I do not always say thank you. I'm just a man, rocketing myself to the quintessence of a man at times. Just burning out here by myself.
I honestly feel like I am on Mars --I'm that isolated from the world. And, I mean she was even beginning to talk about kids, I thought I knew what she wanted, and to be fair my emotional state is no place to raise a kid --it's fucking cold as hell. And even if we did have kids, I don't think there would be anyone there (emotionally) to raise them anyway; it's all a science, apparently, which I don't understand.
Though, I think I know where my problem stems. I work my job five days a week which is extremely draining; I work as a rocket tech at Lockheed Martin. And, again, think it's going to be a long time before I see her again, which really makes me sad.
Any ideas? (Sorry for the long post, just really emotionally strained by this whole thing).