in additon
have you guys ever shat yourselves?
i have.
i'll start with one of my worst episodes.
it was the day after thanksgiving. i was about 12 or 13, somewhere around there. my family and i were at a park across from a blockbuster because my younger cousin had wanted to go so we all went. it was freezing. after being at the park for about 20 minutes, i admitted to my family that i desperately needed to use the bathroom. so, we drove across the way to blockbuster. upon walking into the store, the pain become unbearable and i swore i was going to go right then and there.
i walked the the bathroom, but it was locked and had a sign that said "please ask employee for assistance." so i went to the front desk and asked if i could use their bathroom. an employee, INCREDIBLY SLOWLY, made his way around the counter and walked me to the bathroom. he opened the door, i stepped in, and then he shut the door behind me without putting a light on. so there i was, in a dark room. i felt around for a light switch, but i couldn't find anything. all i found was what felt like a thermostat, and in my condition i did not realize that it was a timed light.
so i did the only thing i could do.
i dropped my pants and i started going. i was running around in circles feeling for the toilet, shitting all over the place. this went on for a good 5 minutes. i finally found the toilet, and proceeded to slip and fall as i tried to sit on it. you gotta realize, i was surrounded by darkness and my stomach was contracting and contorting my body in ways i had never experienced.
when it was all said and done, i walked back over to the door and opened it a little bit to allow some light in so that i could find the actual light. i hadn't thought about doing this right away because i had to go so bad and wasn't thinking clearly. as i learned how to make the light work, i looked around at the room and saw the damage i had done...
there was shit everywhere.
on the floor, on the walls, on my pants, on my legs, on my shoes, on my hands.
it was like a crime scene.
ironically, the toilet probably had the least amount of shit in it.
i decided that i would try to clean myself up and let the bathroom go... but, i had also shat on the toilet paper. and the extra toilet paper. i should also note that around this time i heard a knock on the door, and i told them that the bathroom was occupied.
so, i used paper towels and water to clean off my pants and shoes and legs and ass and hands. but, honestly, i didn't have enough supplies to completely clean myself. i did the best job i could, and then walked out of the bathroom. now as i'm walking away, the person who had knocked on the door, quickly grabbed the door and walked in. as i'm walking away, nearly running, i hear him yell, "OH NO."
i walked out of the store and waited outside for my family. i was so scared. i was so embarrassed. no one even mentioned it though. everyone knew what had happened, to some extent. they assumed that i had shat myself. but what i did was worse than that.
how about you?