Had a dream where the world was like D&D: the world was composed of a square grid, if it wasn't my turn then I couldn't move, and I could only move so much on one turn.

Well, in addition to this issue, there was another issue. For context, a girl I really liked broke up with me earlier that day, so I was pretty depressed. Well, in the dream, the girl was near me, and it wasn't my turn, so I couldn't move away. And even if/when it was my turn, I didn't have enough speed to really escape. At one point I yelled at her to get away from me so I could move on, but she was like "no, I was here first" or "I have a right to be here—you go somewhere else." (She wouldn't act like this. It was an uncharacteristic representation, which is kind of funny to me.)

The whole night was spent waking up and falling back asleep while trying to dream about something else, but I kept dreaming about the girl and being stuck in this D&D map world where I couldn't escape.

Context: all of this happened on the first night Chris started running his new D&D campaign (because we were playing Dark Heresy up until then), so I had D&D fresh on my mind too. Weird convergence of breakup and D&D anxiety lol.

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Had a dream that was like CoD, wherein I had to infiltrate a facility that seemed to be like a shopping mall. The graphics in the dream were very low-res and low-poly so everything looked like N64 Goldeneye quality.

I tried to kill/shoot some civilians but the dream wouldn't let me, which disappointed me. Also, consistent with CoD, the game was glitched to where I couldn't pick up weapons/ammo/items people dropped, which was frustrating and made zero logical sense if this was supposed to be irl.

The dream was mostly all gun fighting and dealing with dumb glitches while trying to pick up items (picked up a gold rocket launcher at one point). However, in addition to all this, I had to pick up carryout for my dad, so at one point I was carrying around this styrofoam container with chicken and rice and trying my best not to spill it. I'd have to set down the styrofoam container and shoot people and then pick it back up.

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Had a dream where I was using a particularly hard log of shit as a dildo, pooping it out like 75% of the way and then sucking it back in.

Later on in the dream, I was at work, and I had to write some technical instructions on how to do something completely stupid and nonsensical. I don't remember specifically what it was, but it involved a dead body. Maybe disposing of the body? idk.

In addition to this, I had my coworker Brad helping me with the instructions. For context, Brad is like a super-Christian who has the tamest sense of humor. Well, in the dream, while I was trying to write the instructions and taking things seriously, Brad was goofing off. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was singeing the ear of the corpse with a lighter for fun. It was kind of funny to me, but I kept composure and asked him to take this project more seriously before asking for technical details concerning the process we were writing about.

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Meta: Okay, so I went back and forth on whether I even wanted to write this dream down because it's kind of fucked up, but honestly I can't control what my subconscious thinks so just don't blame me, okay? I've deliberately not written down dreams before...

Had a dream where the setting was a Caribbean archipelago. The water was clear, sandy beaches, palm trees, etc.

In the water was this brachiosaurus, which was docile so you could ride it. I was swinging on the brachiosaurus with ropes like Legolas swinging around on the Oliphaunt in RotK. Then eventually I fell in the water near the brachiosaurus. In the water, I realized there was a heart container like in Zelda, so I collected it and then began looking for more. The dream was then spent looking for heart containers.

A later part of the dream was in some rich guy's island mansion for a nighttime drinking party / social event. There were several rich guys there, but there were also several poors there, including Chris and I.

The rich guys had their own idea of fun, which was to pay the poor guests to do degrading things for obscene amounts of money. I was realizing as time went on that we were not really here as "guests" and more as entertainment (victims) for the rich folk. We were tricked into thinking it'd be a normal fun party.

Well anyway, one of the rich guys jizzed into a mixed drink (like a hard lemonade) and then offered $100k to Chris and I if we'd each hold some of the drink in our mouths and then swish it back and forth between our mouths while everyone else watched and laughed.

Well, Chris and I gave each other a look like, hey, this sucks and is gay af, but we could both use $100k, so let's just do this and never speak of it again... and so we did the thing. And all the rich people laughed while the poor people felt uncomfortable.

Shockingly, after this, the rich guy who was supposed to pay us for doing this died of a heart attack, like immediately. He died of laughter from watching us be gay.

I'm actually going to omit what happened next because it's kind of too fucked up. Nevertheless, in the end, I doubt Chris or I got paid.

This post was edited by Terps on Aug 31 2023 12:15am

Had a dream where people everywhere were bracing for a seemingly inevitable nuclear explosion. Most people were preparing for this by investing in an outhouse-sized shelter that could be placed in any sort of home, even an apartment. It was made of a pretty thin material that felt plasticy and which had red-tinted windows so you could observe what's going on outside the

It seemed specious that such a shelter could protect anyone from much of anything. Nevertheless, people were buying them like crazy. Even people who lived in apartments were buying them, which seemed pointless because if hit with a nuclear blast their whole building is collapsing regardless. And then there's the nuclear fallout afterwards, which they really have to worry about, and for which the shelter will not help them.

Anyway, I was trying to catch a nuclear strike (like those people who chase tornadoes), but I kept getting unlucky and re-starting the dream from a previous save-point until I got lucky. Then eventually I saw an explosion and the bomb cloud was fucking massive. I knew I didn't have much time to observe the bomb cloud, as the boom would be soon to follow, so I went into an actual underground bunker.

I emerged from the bunker, and of course everyone with their flimsy POS bomb shelters were utterly decimated. This actually gave me a smug sense of satisfaction because I was proven right that it wouldn't protect them from anything.

The rest of the dream had some post-apocalyptic survival stuff going on, but I can't remember much. I do remember having a motorcycle and a baseball bat like in Mad Max though, which was pretty cool.

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Had one of your typical test anxiety dreams, where you show up to school for a test but you haven't prepared.

However, in addition to the test, I was having company over at my house, and my bathroom was a mess. The bathroom was filthy, and there was a lot of standing water on the tiles, which only further highlighted how soiled the floor was.

Double-anxiety dream

Had a dream where my dad's friend Dave invited himself and a bunch of their friends over unexpectedly for a party. I had to suddenly make a lot of food, which I actually handled quite well because I have ingredients on-hand and a plan for what to make during such occasions. However, I was self-conscious about how dirty my house was because I hadn't vacuumed or dusted in a while (that's probably the source of the anxiety for this dream).

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Had a dream where I was buying car parts, but they didn't have what I needed, so I was forced to get a part that wouldn't fit. (the source of his dream was auto zone giving me a brake caliper that didn't exactly fit my car, and I was kind of stuck with it because I had already had Chris return the core).

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Had a dream where I was living in Cardiff for some reason, on Main St. It was/is kind of a poor area, so crime was a concern in my dream.

I had an Uzi, fully automatic, which I had at the ready just in case something bad happened. Then, at some point, my mom was alive again and disapproved of me having an Uzi because it was too dangerous and unnecessary.

Somehow or another, some commotion happened outside and I got involved. I don't remember (or didn't see) exactly what happened, but I shot my Uzi. Some adolescent kids either got scared off or killed, and a car was shot up. I ran back inside and tried to pretend like nothing had happened and I wasn't involved. Idk how the dream ended.

On a different night, I had another dream with guns, but I can't remember any details other than, of course, it turned violent.

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Had a dream about the girl I liked who moved to CA. In the dream, I was back on campus at UMD, and she happened to be there on campus for some reason. I was headed to the library, and she was right outside talking to one of her friends. I walked by without acknowledging her, expecting her to notice me instead, which she did. She was shocked/surprised, said hi to me, and wanted to stop and talk. However, I just said "oh, hey" without breaking stride and immediately entering the doorway, as if to suggest I was too busy and disinterested in saying hi to her.

Later on, one of her friends met me in the library and said what an asshole I was for not saying hi. I knew I was being an asshole, and I felt guilty for doing it, but outwardly I pretended not to care, as if to suggest they were in the wrong for making a big deal out of nothing. However, I had to listen to this person because I needed something from them (they were one of my work colleagues, and I needed advice or to borrow a book or something).

For dream-self, the whole point was to act like I was over her, be disrespectful, and hurt her. However, the reality of how I think and act irl is the complete opposite. I would never want to hurt someone like that, especially someone I still like. I hate this dream because I feel like it's not representative of my true-self. I usually dismiss dreams as largely meaningless, but this one bothered me for some reason.

Had a dream where I was driving my dad's 1998 Nissan Frontier (stick shift). It was made challenging by the fact I knew I was supposed to be paralyzed and unable to do it, so I just drove in first gear, which was safer, I guess. Dream logics don't always make sense.

Anyway, I was driving through Whiteford and noticed they built a pretty nice new shopping mall where the Citgo is (or used to be, it just got torn down irl). I noticed that the top floor of the mall was a whole floor dedicated to an ice cream parlor, which I found really enticing because I like ice cream and this place is new.

I tried to pull into the mall parking lot, but I messed up parking somehow. And everyone was staring at me trying to park like a dumbfuck teenager on his learner's permit. Eventually I gave up trying to park and just sped out of the parking lot. In fact, I think I might have completely abandoned the vehicle because I was returning home on foot to end the dream.

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Had a dream where there was some kind of global war, and to avoid conflict, you had to go into these tunnels that were filled with water to not get shot while outside. I really just wanted to take my chances and get shot because going into tunnels filled with water is a good recipe to drown. However, I eventually saw no other way and went cave diving. I did not drown, but I did emerge all cold, wet, and dirty with sediment.

Context was I was watching this video right before bed about some guy who got stuck in rising water while cave diving.

Had a dream where the neighbor up the hill was having an argument with someone (which means it was loud because he's pretty far away). I had the fellas over, and we were outside hearing it, just catching bits and pieces of the argument.

Then, after some off and on argumentation, we heard four gunshots. We all looked at each other like, is this serious? Is this really happening? Did someone just get murdered over there?

Before we could even really act on the matter, an overweight, sweaty, middle-aged black guy came down the hill riding a large bulldozer with some companion with him running alongside the bulldozer (also black—probably a not-so-unconscious bias emerging here). (Context: neighbor is white and owns an excavation business, so he owns bulldozers, and idk who this black guy is.) The black guy is driving his bulldozer at max speed but still kind of slowly directly as us. We kind of just looked at him, unsure if he was trying to run us over. After some seconds, it became clear he was trying to run us over, presumably to eliminate witnesses to his crime, but bulldozers aren't particularly fast, so I just stepped aside, kind of befuddled by him even trying to kill us with such a pathetic attempt.

While this was going on, Chris ran inside to get his handgun. I did the same, plus I grabbed the .380 I've been meaning to trade/sell to give to either Zach or Brandon (the more people armed the better, right?). I returned in a rush outside with Chris and quickly spotted Brandon. I gave him the 380; however, in my panic, I realized I was actually giving the gun to one of Brandon's brothers (idk if Eric or Ryan). Whichever one it was absolutely retardedly pointed the gun at his own abdomen to rack the slide in complete disregard for muzzle safety. I literally 😬'd when I saw him do it, but he managed to not shoot himself, so I just continued to address the source of the problem.

Outside, there was some shooting going on between Chris, some cops, and the black guys. Some people got shot, including some random bystanders who had no business being on my lawn in the first place and idk why they were there at all. Also, amid all the shooting, my dad was trying to walk the dogs (he had two white dogs plus Luna). He was having a rough time because the shots were scaring the dogs, and he was literally in the middle of all the gunfire. Eager to join in, I fired some shots too, landing a head-shot on the guy in the bulldozer who was still trying to run me over. It was one of those things where I was legally justified for doing it, but it was also kind of unnecessary considering I could just briskly walk away from the bulldozer.

The situation was quelled once both the intruders were dead. However, in the aftermath, I realized Luna got shot. I was in a panic because I had to get Luna to the emergency vet. However, the police didn't like this because Luna was part of the crime scene and I was tampering with it, so they detained Luna for questioning just to fuck me over. I was angry over this and yelled and pleaded with them to let me take Luna to the vet—they didn’t need her for the crime scene, and she was in pain and bleeding out. The police officer I was talking to started to see reason, but he was still obligated to be somewhat of a dick about it, so he said I had to answer some questions about Luna before he could let her go. He asked how long I had known Luna, what she was like, if she was a good girl, what good things she had done, etc. I answered the questions, and in doing so, I realized Luna actually is a pretty decent dog and felt a stronger bond with her than before. Plus, it seemed like her gunshot wasn’t a mortal wound because she was still alive, so maybe she was going to live after all.

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Had a dream where I was having the guys over to hang out. I was trying to set up the DVR to record tomorrow’s Ravens game (which is on at fucking 9am because it’s in fucking London ).

While I was doing this, Chris was being his usual smartass self and saying I was doing it the slow (wrong) way and that it was much faster to record it his way. I told him he was wrong, and when he asked why, I said that he wouldn't understand because he's stupid (which I felt a little bad about, and then I felt worse because it was just awkward silence after I said it).

When I opened the app on my HTPC to record, it was throwing an error of some sort, which has literally never happened in 5+ years of using my HTPC, but ofc it happened right now at a point when it would make Chris's smart-ass opinion seem correct (which it was not).

Meanwhile the guys were waiting impatiently for me to finish and I'm feeling bad and embarrassed because this basic task is taking forever. And it makes me look dumb/incompetent for having a seemingly non-functional home theater setup, which I am honestly quite proud of irl.

This post was edited by Terps on Oct 14 2023 11:58pm

Had a dream where I was a kid again, and my parents adopted the kid from the Sixth Sense, only, instead of being able to see dead people, his baggage was that he had an abusive uncle.

At one point the kid's uncle walked into our yard, likely drunk, and started yelling at us to let him see his nephew, and then my dad went out with Elly (the doberman) and told him to get lost. A shouting match ensued. Idk how it ended.

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Had a dream where I got a new book, and I knew my mom would want to read it, but she treats things she borrows like shit (especially my books, creasing covers and pages), so I hid the book so I could read it at my own pace and so she'd never know about it.

Later in the dream (or maybe a different dream), I was somehow in charge of captaining a submarine. I was being asked submarine questions, but I kept changing the subject and equivocating. For example, someone would ask me something, and then I'd look at one of the objects on my knick-knack shelf, examine it, and talk about it instead of answering the person's question. My hope was that, in sounding wise, I would make it seem like talking about this object was a metaphor for answering their question, allowing the questioner to derive their own meaning from what I said. This wouldn't leave me culpable for being wrong.

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Had a dream where Chris, Brandon, and I were exploring an underwater city (probably inspired by playing BG3 together, but it wasn't BG3). We were swimming but not really encumbered with scuba gear.

At some point, we came across a giant whirlpool. It was massive, like the size of a tornado. I thought C + B were getting too close to the whirlpool, which made me nervous, but they expected me to follow them, so I did. Then they got caught in the whirlpool (unsurprisingly... I told them...).

I was swimming to try to avoid getting caught too, but I was still getting pulled closer. Then, I remembered some useless knowledge about how, if you're ever caught in a whirlpool irl, dropping anchor and motoring parallel to the whirlpool while being sucked in will allow you to escape (I can't remember the exact physics on this, but it's true). Anyway, while swimming, I produced an anchor out of nowhere and tossed it, which allowed me to avoid being sucked into the whirlpool.

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Had a dream where either Chris was the Terminator or the Terminator looked like Chris. This version of the Terminator used laser eyes to cook people to death within a few seconds, like he would cook their brains like a microwave, and they'd just die in excruciating pain but with no discernible evidence on the surface.

Later in that dream, I went out into my garage (the one attached to the house) to see that all of the concrete was gone, as if someone had painstakingly stolen it, leaving only little bits of rubble and gravel. The weird thing was that everyone else was acting like this was normal—as if I never had concrete in my garage, and that it was always gravel. I was flabbergasted and began to question my own sanity... how could I be wrong? I've lived here all my life.Was everyone gaslighting me? Why would everyone be gaslighting me? And who would go to the trouble of stealing concrete? It's not even a useful thing to steal. The dream ended without resolution.

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Had a dream where Chris, Brandon, and I were playing BG3. We were doing an encounter with a big boss of some sort. The boss kept winning initiative and killing all of us before we could even get a chance to act. Chris and Brandon started to get outwardly frustrated. I felt a little bad for them because games are meant to be fun, but on the other hand, they're the ones who wanted it to be more difficult, so... 🤷‍♂️. And ultimately I like a challenge, so I didn't care. I'm mostly just there to socialize and have fun anyway.

This post was edited by Terps on Oct 24 2023 11:57pm

Had a dream where I was trying to transfer out of a full-size van and into my wheelchair. For some reason the van was parked in my living room, and my wheelchair was right atop the steps/landing.

I messed up on the transfer and fell from like 5ft high right onto the steps, breaking my leg. My leg wasn't just broken, however; it was just about snapped completely off at the shin. I'm not a big fan of gore, even if I can't feel it, so I made sure to look away from it—one glimpse was enough.

My cousin came to help, but before he could really see the gruesome sight, I told him to turn around and just call 911.

I lied there for a while until the ambulance came. When they arrived, I realized my leg was actually fine, and I had my cousin call 911 for no reason.

After this was all settled, the dream ended with your usual zombie apocalypse, where I was hiding in a warehouse with other people trying to survive.

This post was edited by Terps on Oct 29 2023 12:24am

Had a dream where I woke up and had this large, hairy butthole right in the middle of my scalp.

Weirdly, I wasn't super concerned with covering it up or getting it removed. I was more concerned about just not touching it or looking at it accidentally. I figured I could just wear a hat or grow my hair out if I needed to cover it up.

I think I had buttholes on the brain because I accidentally grazed my butthole with my hand earlier in the day.

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Had a dream where I was going to the dentist. The dentist was now located in a fairground, and there were clowns, cotton candy, popcorn, tents, circus music, carnival games, rides, patrons, and sounds of fanfare.

When I saw the dentist, he informed me that he was investigating a murder. He suspected one of his employees was going around killing his patients, but he didn't know who and he didn't have evidence. He wanted me to help.

I agreed to help by first looking for clues around the fairground, so I went looking in the tents and whatnot. I had my parents and the dentist following me around like dumb NPCs in a computer game. I didn't find any clues.

The dentist then said he wanted to use me as bait to draw out the murderer. This seemed pretty dangerous, and I didn't altogether trust the dentist to not get me killed, but I complied anyway.

The dentist then revived one of his long-dead employees. This person was now badly decomposed: the skin on the side of his face was peeling off, his eyes were cloudy, and his breath and overall odor smelled awful. Plus he had little maggots in his skin/flesh.

The dentist was going to have the zombie-hygienist work on cleaning my teeth while the dentist hid and watched to see if the murderer would come.

I didn't know this whole thing with the zombie was part of the plan. It was really unsettling for me, but I already said yes to the plan, and everyone was depending on me, so I went through with it anyway.

I was trying my best to hold my breath and keep my mouth closed, but it's literally impossible when a hygienist is working directly within your mouth. I was concerned about contracting bad-breath by inhaling the awful corpse odors, and I was even more afraid of maggots falling into my mouth.

The zombie-hygienist was actually totally normal cognitively—he talked like normal and had normal motor functions too. He was wither unaware or unconcerned about his state of decay and undeath. This put me at ease a little bit.

Midway through the teeth-cleaning, someone turned on the sleeping gas to knock me unconscious. I saw a hand turn the gas, but there was nothing I could do in time to stop it. Luckily, the dentist was paying attention and caught the assailant in the act. I'm not really sure what happened because I was unconscious (maybe there was a struggle?), but when I came to, my teeth were cleaned and the murderer was caught.

The dream ended with me exploring the fairgrounds in my spare time. I rode in a monster truck and went to a fast food restaurant that had a lot of redneck white trash in it for some reason. I left without getting food because I hate fast food and redneck white trash. Plus some white trash folks were yelling at me, so it was just easier to leave.

Had a dream where I shaved my head, but I used some kind of different, unconventional shaver that used heat to burn the hair off. I had been using this shaver for months, so it wasn’t new to me.

The problem was, the following morning, I looked in the mirror and saw my skin was discolored and peeling, like some kind of zombie or like the Chernobyl victims in the docudrama. And it wasn’t just in a small place; it was all over my scalp and neck. I had a big hunk of red flesh falling off my neck, and my scalp had dark, discolored stripes kind of like a mowed lawn.

I didn’t cover it up. My plan was just to ignore it and hope it goes away in time after I stop shaving with the heat shaver.

Chris came over to chat about something, and while we were talking, he was doing his best to be polite and not stare or make mention of how horrible my skin looked. He cracked eventually though and let his curiosity get the best of him and asked about it. I explained what happened and apologized; I felt bad because I knew my seemingly rotting flesh was horrible to look at. I then said I’d seek medical help because I felt guilty and dumb for not acting on this issue.

After that, Chris and I went to explore the town of Harrogath from Diablo 2. I took notice of a person (a Druid?) who was preparing to enter his wolf in a dog fight. The other dog was just a regular German shepherd, so it looked like a pointless endeavor to even try fighting a giant wolf.

Chris and I continued onward to his destination. Chris wanted to buy a new (used) handgun from a gun shop, so I was just tagging along. I could feel people staring at my ugly scalp as we walked through town, and I felt like I was embarrassing Chris. Nevertheless, we arrived at the shop, which was really just a street merchant’s tent. Chris surveyed the guns and bought a well-used, basic, .38 caliber snub-nose revolver for some reason. I didn’t see the appeal, but he was happy with the purchase. I looked at the other guns and noticed they had one of those shotgun pistols, but I thought it best not to buy it.

As an aside, idk why I’m having these dreams about my scalp being fucked up. Maybe because I shaved yesterday and wrote that last dream right before bed.

This post was edited by Terps on Nov 14 2023 12:50pm

Had some disjointed dreams all in one night that didn't flow with much sense, but here goes:

In the back of my car, Chris found the steroids I was hiding. He reminded me of what I already knew about the dangers of using steroids, and I did admittedly feel kind of bad/icky about taking them, but, while he was lecturing, all I could think about was how I wish he'd wrap it up so I could just lie to him about how I was going to stop using them and get on with my life. I knew the risks and felt it was worth the reward.

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Later in the dream, the guys somehow found one of my dating app profiles. They saw that I tagged one of my photos as "baby sex." The photo wasn't even anything unusual—just me and the dog—so I don't even know why I labeled it as such. Anyway, this caused the guys to start interacting with me differently, acting more distant and quiet.

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Later in the dream, some workers were at my house to help build/assemble a racing wheelchair for me. While this was going on, I was wheeling around in my current chair very quickly, like uncomfortably fast. It was cool to be able to go that fast but also kind of dangerous. I had Luna with me and was taking her for a walk when some lady came by with her dog, and because Luna wasn't on a leash it became a safety issue. However, because I was basically out of control with my wheelchair going so fast and being unable to stop, there wasn't anything I could do about it.

--

Later in the dream, there was a secret second basement in my house, which was only accessible by climbing into a big lower cabinet I have in the kitchen and then down a small hole with a ladder. It was a room that hadn't been accessed by anyone in about 20 years, so it was dusty and full of cobwebs, and it was lit by a single dim incandescent light bulb—an eerie room to be in.

I had the guys over, and they insisted on exploring the basement even though it was gross and there was nothing in there. Chris went in first and looked around. He found an exit door and asked me where it led. I then remembered that it connected to an old, abandoned subway that ran all the way up to Maine. I told him that I had it barricaded, however, because there was danger in the subway—vagrants and gang members would use the subway for nefarious purposes. It was lawless and dangerous in there, so you shouldn't go in... And then we all removed the barricades and went in anyway because Chris was curious, and eventually we wound up in Maine, exiting onto their cold, rocky beaches. We didn't actually encounter any danger.

--

Had a dream where my dad's close friend Barry came by. I wasn't expecting him, and he was wielding an axe. I opened the door and asked what he was doing here. He entered my house and moved right past me without saying anything, walking with purpose and determination into the kitchen. I followed him, asking what was going on and what he was doing. Without saying anything, he started hacking at a heavy wooden display cabinet I keep in the kitchen. Weirdly, he was trying to hack at the glass, but he couldn't break it for some reason.

I asked what was going on, and he paused his hacking to tell me there was a secret compartment in this piece of furniture that had all of my dad's secrets, and he was trying to access the compartment so he could show me. I acknowledged what Barry was saying and affirmed my interest, but I instead suggested that maybe we could first examine the furniture to see if this compartment could be accessed without damaging my furniture. Barry agreed and let me look. Sure enough, the secret compartment was easily unlocked and accessible. Thankfully the furniture was surprisingly undamaged despite the blows from the axe.

I opened the compartment, and then Barry kind of shoved me aside and started going through things. There were folders inside with paperwork and possibly photos. It wasn't a big compartment, so it could only fit small or flat things.

Barry pulled out a folder and started telling me about it. It wasn't actually that interesting—just tax stuff. However, he was telling me some story about my dad that I didn't know about, so I listened with some interest. I expected that the following folders might have something more juicy.

Barry then pulled out another folder, looked at it, and then gave it to me. He provided context for what I was about to see by saying my parents were trying to conceive a child for a long time and my mom suffered a number of miscarriages (which was somewhat true, she did have one late miscarriage irl). So... although I was initially curious to find out my dad's secrets, I was realizing that maybe I didn't want to see this... but Barry seemed to want me to see it, so I opened it anyway. Inside were pictures of fetuses—bloody and gory. I didn't understand why my dad would take these pictures, but then he was kind of dark like that, and he was a semi-professional photographer for a while in the 70s and 80s.

My mind started racing with thoughts (fears) about what I was going to see next. I really didn't want to see anything to suggest my dad cheated on my mom, so I was kind of wanting this to come to a stop. Ignorance is bliss here. I loved my dad and am happy with the memories I have of him. However...

Barry then threw down another folder with photos. He said he wanted me to narrate what I see and what my thoughts are as I went through it. He said he wanted me to narrate "like one of those eSports shows you watch," he said (I am so not into eSports, lol). I then got the horrible fear of "what if my dad was a pedophile and this is all CP"? I began hesitating and stalling for time because I was realizing I really didn't want to look at this thing... and then I woke up. And then, after I woke up, I was angry at myself for waking up because I was curious what was inside lol.